BabyFruit Ticker

Thursday, April 26, 2012

(It's been WAYYYYYYYYY too long! Dec. 27 to be exact! I will go back and add pictures to this later, but don't plan on proof reading this long thing! Please excuse the errors!)


Dear Maddison,

It was January 22, and your Daddy and I had been out late the night before at the TCU Ranch Management Annual Round Up. I felt huge, but comfortable. While getting ready for church, I felt a cramp that I hadn’t felt before. It was 7:30 in the morning, and it passed, so I didn’t think anything of it. We went to lunch after church, and then to Wal-Mart for a few items, then came home. Your Daddy had some things to do get done at one of his businesses, so he left. The day went on, and I kept daydreaming of what your sweet face looked like inside of me. Would you have brown hair? Blue eyes? Green eyes? Would your feet be long like mine? Or wide like your Daddy’s? Dinnertime came, and I made grilled chicken, steamed brown rice, and sautéed spinach. It was 7:30 pm when we finally sat down to eat, and suddenly, I felt the same pain I had experienced in church earlier that day. It felt like menstrual cramps, so I was pretty sure it wasn’t a contraction. I told your Daddy about it, and he said I should start keeping track of them. While sitting at the dinner table, I felt the need to relieve some of the pressure in my bladder, and went to the restroom. When I sat down, I noticed something unusual that I hadn’t noticed before. Apparently, I had lost my mucous plug.

I had heard about this happening, but I wasn’t sure that is what it was. When you’re pregnant, there are all kind of different things that happen to your body, and I thought this might just be another one of those disgusting things. My heart began racing as I started thinking about the possibility of this being my mucous plug, and what that meant. It was possible that labor would begin soon, and I was that much closer to meeting you. I came back to the table, and began googling what a mucous plug might look like. I also sent a message to a couple of my nurse friends to get their opinion. After confirming that in fact I had lost my mucous plug, I told your Daddy that we were going to meet you soon! The smile on his face when I told him was so sweet. He shared with me that he thought he should probably go to the bank and get some work done. I went ahead and shared with him my fear of going into labor alone, and being in pain by myself. Needless to say, your Daddy didn’t go anywhere. What he DID do though, was begin scrambling around like a little fire ant. He grabbed his duffle bag, and began stuffing it with random things that he thought he might need during our hospital stay. (I had packed him one several week prior to this day, but apparently, he has been using the items within it since then). We began writing down the pains I was having, and here are the times:

7:30 am
1:00 pm
4:40 pm
5:30 pm
7:00 pm
7:15 pm- Mucous plug
7:30 pm
8:54 pm
9:27 pm
9:45 pm
9:55 pm
10:04 pm
10:42 pm
10:55 pm
11:08 pm
11:22 pm
11:31 pm
11:37 pm
11:49 pm
11:54 pm
12:01 am
12:05 am
12:12 am
12:16 am
12:21 am
12:27 am
12:40 am
12:43 am
12:45 am
12:51 am
12:56 am
12:59 am
1:09 am
1:13 am
1:21 am

Around 10:00, we both went to bed to try to get some sleep. I slept for a little while, and then I wasn’t able to keep my mind off the pains I was having. One minute, I would be relaxed and then all of a sudden, a wave of pain would radiate throughout my entire body. The effects included tears rolling out of my closed eyes, fingernails clawing the sheets, knees curled up as close as I could get them to my chest, teeth clenched, moans escaping my throat, and every muscles I could feel tensing up inside of me- all while trying to remember to take deep breaths and relax.

Your Daddy was as helpful as he could have been. It was hard for him to see me hurting, but he was very gentle and caring. With each pain that surged through my body, he would lean over to me, and gently stroke my arm and head.  Around 1:00, we decided that even though my contractions weren’t 8 minutes apart for 3 hours, they were pretty consistent. I called my doctor, and she said to come on in. I called Memaw, and told her what was happening. Your Daddy called Gami, and then off we were. As I walked to the door to go to the hospital, I stopped for a minute in the doorway. I turned around, and had an emotional moment. I couldn’t help but think that the next time I crossed the threshold of our house, I would be a Mom, your Daddy would be a Dad, and you would be in our arms.  
Your Daddy helped me into the truck, and off we went.

We got to the hospital and checked in. It seemed like a dream, and any minute I was going to wake up. The nurse came in and checked me. She said I was dilated to a 1, and 50% effaced. We waited until 5:00, and I was dilated to a 1, and 90% effaced. Dr. Robbins decided to send me to get some breakfast, and to walk at the mall. Your Daddy had to get some work done, especially since it was a Monday, so he went on into the bank. (He figured I would probably go into labor on Wednesday or so.) I stayed behind with your Gami, Memaw, and Grandma. We went and ate at Ol’ South Pancake House, and it was absolutely disgusting. In between contractions, I tried to take bites. Nothing was sitting right with me, and so I drank my orange juice, and ate a few bites of bacon. You were so ready to come out that I could feel you making your way toward the only exit available!

It was now 5:30 in the morning, and we headed to the mall. Now, the nurse had given me 2 vicodin when we left the hospital. Apparently, on the way to the mall, they both hit me like a ton of bricks. I stepped out of the car, and felt completely inebriated. I apologized to Grandma for seeing me drunk. I vividly remember laughing hysterically at nothing, but thinking it was the funniest thing ever! We walked. And walked. And walked. I rested for a few minutes, and then decided that surely I was closer to delivering you. My contractions though, had gotten further apart. Now, they were 9 minutes apart. I didn’t understand, and just absolutely refused to drive almost an hour home only to return again that same day due to being worried that I would deliver you at home. I called Dr. Robbins, and she wanted me to come in so SHE could check me, not a nurse.

We leave the mall at 8:30 and head over to see Dr. Robbins. I was very aware that this would be my last pre-natal visit with her, and was so excited. I waited in the waiting room, and thought about the excitement that each visit brought. I remembered hearing your heartbeat for the first time. I remembered seeing you move on the monitor, and watching you move your mouth. I remembered the moment your Daddy and I found out that you were a girl, and choosing the name Maddison Cash McGilvray to be yours. I could remember where I was sitting when I heard the cries of heartbreak when a woman was told that her baby no longer was alive inside of her. I could only smile when these memories flooded my mind, because it made me dream of all of the ones to come, when you arrived.

My name was called, and I waddled to a room. I was weighed, and the scales read 168. I was very much looking forward to that number going down soon, and laughed about it possibly being the last time I saw such a number that was measuring my body. With each visit, I was able to hear your heartbeat. It was always a reassurance when I heard it, even though I felt you moving all of the time. I listened to your heartbeat, and then waited for Dr. Robbins.

With a knock on the door, the butterflies from all over the world all fluttered in my stomach. After being checked, I was told that there had been no change. I felt devastated. I really thought this was it! Dr. Robbins told me to sit back, and that I was going to feel a sharp pain. She stuck her hand inside of me, and then only what I can describe as her plucking something took place. It was incredibly painful for about 30 seconds, and then the pain disappeared. She sat up, and told me to head to the hospital. She instructed me to go to Labor and Delivery, and insist on an epidural ASAP. She said she would be there shortly thereafter to break my water, and then she said words that I will never ever forget. “Looks like you’re going to become a Mommy today!” My heart jumped. I knew that I was going to be a Mom, but to actually think that the time had come was astonishing. I sat there for a few seconds, and then the tears began flowing. My hormones got the best of me, and I began sobbing tears of fear, joy, excitement, happiness, and love. Today, I was going to become a Mother.

After I hugged your Memaw and Gami for several minutes, we all gathered our composure and headed to the hospital. Now, keep in mind that your Daddy went to work. Remember me saying that he thought I would probably deliver you on Wednesday. I knew that if I called him, I would start sobbing again, so I texted him. (I know, I know. Very impersonal for such an amazing event, but I had JUST quit crying!). I had dreamed for years of how I would tell my husband I was in labor. The story I had been given wasn’t quite what I expected, so I just wrote the words, “It’s time.” He responded and wouldn’t you know it, he said, “Time for what?”

I explained what the doctor had said, and no lie, your Daddy arrived at the hospital approximately 15 minutes after I did. I was in an amazing room. It was huge. There was space for 20 plus people! (I know this because later in the story, there was that amount of people there to meet you.) I answered a bunch of questions, and the nurses got an I.V. started. One nurse walked in and was writing her name and the date on a dry erase board. She asked me if we had chosen a name for you, and I said yes, “Maddison Cash McGilvray.” What she did next made me realize that before the sun went down, I would be holding you in my arms. I looked over and written on the board was, “Happy Birthday Maddison!”

About that time, your Daddy walked in. His eyes were big and excited and hiding the fact that he was already exhausted. He sat down by my side, and to be very honest, he didn’t leave my side until 2 days later, when I told him to go get some rest.

The anaesthesiologist came in, and explained the epidural to us. I had never seen this performed before, and didn’t want to. I had heard horror stories , and was very afraid of this procedure. I was instructed to lean forward onto your Daddy’s chest, and relax. (Seriously? Relax when you have a 5 foot needle in my spine?!” I tried my best to do as I was told, and with each breath, my tears multiplied as they were absorbed into your Daddy’s shirt. This was the first of many times that your Daddy was what I like to call, “My Rock.”

I laid back down, and tried to relax as the lower half of my body began going numb. It is an unexplainable sensation to not have any feeling in your legs. I was thankful that it worked, and checked off another item on my checklist in my head. Next was the breaking of my water. Dr. Robbins came in, and explained everything. I was feeling extremely anxious, and before I even knew it, she had broken my water. As simple as that, the process of meeting you had officially began. Your protective barrier had been broken, and you were one step closer to seeing the light of day.

I labored for 7 hours, and had only progressed to 3 centimeters. I was exhausted. My body had used the energy from the bacon and orange juice I had at breakfast, and was now beginning to run off of adrenaline. I was devastated with my body when I found out that I needed Pitocin to try to speed up the labouring process. I was given this drug via I.V., and then told to just wait. I could feel the contractions inside of me, but they weren’t painful anymore. Each time I laid on my left side, you gave us quite a scare. Your heartrate would drop, and I would have to readjust to my right side for you. Shortly after the Pitocin was given, the nurses began multiplying in my room. Each of them had a look of worry on their faces as they entered, and I knew something was wrong. My heart was telling me to stay calm for your sake, but I was scared. Dr. Robbins was paged, and the nurses explained that you were having a bad reaction to the Pitocin. Your Daddy held my hand and with each stroke of his thumb on my finger, I could tell he was just as scared as I was.

Your heart rate had been steadily beating around 168 beats per minute. The drug they chose to use to speed up the laboring process was causing your heart to beat only 60 times per minute. The doctor arrived and immediately checked on you inside of me. She inserted a heart monitor inside of me and glued it onto your head. Minutes later, your heartbeat was gone. Never, ever in my life have I ever felt the sting to my soul as I did in that moment. My heart was screaming at them to keep looking! I couldn’t feel you moving and I began sobbing. Your Daddy was scared too, and don’t let him ever tell you otherwise. We were powerless. I prayed for your safety, and remember telling God that I would rather be the one with no heartbeat. I asked Him to take me!!! I begged Him to spare your life, and just let me be the one to pay for you to live. Within minutes, which seemed like eternity, several other cords were inserted into me. They found your heart beat, and the worry and panic began to slowly ooze its way out of the room.

The doctor studied the monitor for several minutes. With arms crossed and a nervous look on her face, she then said “We’ve got to get that baby out of there.” She proceeded to tell me that my frame in very small. She said that I could try and labor for a couple of more hours, but that even if I did give birth vaginally, that my bones would have to break to get this small baby out of my safely. She told me that she could have that baby on my chest within 30 minutes. My heart dropped. I felt mad at my body.  The one thing a woman’s body is supposed to do is grow, and birth a child. Mine wasn’t doing it right, and I was so frustrated with it. I looked at my partner, and felt that he had just as much of a say as I did. I asked his opinion, and without hesitation, he said that we should do the operation. I looked at our doctor, and agreed.

I didn’t have much time to feel sorry for myself in this situation. I felt the need to be strong for you. I had to stay calm in order to keep you calm. Your Daddy was brought some scrubs to wear, and they wheeled me off to prep me for surgery. I was scared, but not for me. I was scared of the nightmares I had dreamt where your lifeless body was pulled from me and handed to me with no breath. My worst nightmare was beginning to take action and I wasn’t ready for it. I left my family behind, and your Daddy was left in a small room while I was taken into pre-op.

I was surrounded by nurses, but I felt so alone in this bone chilling room. It was crowded and the pace was so fast. They were explaining things to me about the upcoming procedure, but I just wanted it to be over. Your Daddy finally came in, as they were strapping my arms down. He looked like a doctor, and seemed more anxious than I have ever seen him before. He ind of reminded me of a child. He seemed afraid of what was happening. I wasn’t sure if he was afraid for me, or for you, probably both. I could tell that he had to dig deep and find the strength to be the rock for me. I was terrified.


 A hairnet was placed over my hair, and a sheet was draped across my neck so that I could no longer see the lower part of my body. A nurse was asking questions about you, and I was frustrated with her small talk. I wanted to bad to fast forward through this process, but time was quickly creeping by. A nurse came by and put some medicine in my I.V. He told me that it was kind of like a second epidural, and that I was about to feel very sleepy. Dr. Robbins came in, and seemed chipper, but determined. She told me that I should be prepared for the noises I wouldn’t hear when you came out--- silence. She told me it would be a minute before you drew your first breath. I didn’t understand, but I trusted her. She hadn’t led me astray up to this point.

With your Daddy holding my left hand, which was strapped down very tightly, and stroking my cheek, the mission of getting you out of my tummy and into my arms began.

There was much chatter, beeping, and music. I can’t tell you now what the music was, but it was soothing to me. I was so very tired. I was having a very hard time staying awake. Crazy to say since I was in the middle of surgery, but I could barely keep my eyes open! With my eyes fixated on your Daddy’s expression, I could feel my shoulders leaving the table from side to side. The tugging and pulling of my muscles and organs in order to get to you was so very intense. I could feel so much pressure, and the feeling of my shoulders rocking from side to side was gut wrenching. The minutes trickled by like molasses on a spoon, and absolutely nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen next.

“She’s out…” Your Daddy said. Time stood still. I know the doctor told me to expect a delay on hearing your cry, but never in my life have been more scared than in those moments when you and I were first separated, and you weren’t drawing a breath.

Seconds later, God breathed a beautiful breath of air into your lungs, and you let out the most peaceful scream I had ever heard. I turned my head and saw you for the first time. You were amazing. The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew what unconditional love truly was. In that moment, I was soaking in your purple color, your long fingers and toes, your dark head of hair, and your big open screaming mouth. I knew that there would never be anything that you could ever do or say that would make me quit loving you. You were this little human that I grew, and you looked perfect in every way.

They whisked you away to clean you up, and your Daddy went with you. For the first time in almost 10 months, I wasn’t worried anymore. You were here, and your Daddy wasn’t going to let you out of his sight. I felt peace surround me, and my body began to relax. I actually fell asleep while the doctors were sewing me up. I vaguely remember holding you for the first time. Another dream I have planned my entire adult life is what I would say to my children when we first met. I remember saying “Hi Maddison. I’m so glad you’re here. I was so scared.” The moment had finally come for my daughter to leave my body, and become her own being. She no longer needed me like she had for the past 10 months. I felt kind of sad that this was all over, but the warmth from my daughter’s body reassured me that for the rest of my life, I would have a connection with someone who has heard my heartbeat from the inside.
I remember seeing your Daddy hold you for the first time. He was instantly in love. You looked so tiny in his arms, weighing a mere 6 pounds and 2 ounces. For the rest of his life, you will have a protector, a mentor, a dance partner, a coach, a teacher, and a friend- but most of all, a Daddy. You have this grown man wrapped around your tiny little finger, and you don’t even know it. His heart melted when he held you, and nothing on this earth can or will ever compare to the joy in his tears as he adored you for the first time.  

As I was being wheeled down the hall to my room, I was holding you. I felt so proud, almost like I was riding the most beautiful float in the parade. I wanted so bad to stay awake and introduce you to everyone who was anxiously awaiting your arrival, but I was beyond exhausted. My body began having a reaction to some of the drugs, and I began shaking uncontrollably. It was a scary situation, but after my nerves settled, and your Daddy, you, and me were together as a family, I began to calm down. Then, it was time for everyone to meet you! To be continued…

Saturday, December 17, 2011



Okay boys and girls. This blog is a little out there, and uses some descriptions that you may not be comfortable with. If you're easily offended, go ahead and hit that little red X in the top right hand corner now.

When I got pregnant, I expected certain things to take place. You hear of the cravings, the frequent bathroom breaks, the hormones, and hot flashes... blah blah blah. But, what I'm here to inform you of, are the things that you DON'T hear about. We are all mature adults here, and so I'm not going to beat around the bush and hold back my thoughts.

 Beware: You're entering my brain. It's a very scary place- especially right now.

 "The Stuff They Don't Tell You..."

  •      When you feel the urge to wet your pants, and you dash to the bathroom, only a few tablespoons of urine comes out.

·         If you’re drinking enough water, you WILL pee every couple of hours or more throughout the day.

·         It will take you longer to get ready because each week, the clothes that might have fit the week before fit in an entirely different way.

·         Your feet can grow- and I hear they don’t go back to their orginal size. Not good for those of us with skis...

·         That you have uncontrollable gas. Seriously, like someone sneaks up behind you and passes gas, and you hear it, but know that it couldn’t possibly have been you.

·         You now have a temporary tattoo on your forehead that reads, “Please, my life will not be complete unless you give me the advice that you think I must have to grow my unborn child.”

·         That animals and babies have a sense that your pregnant. My dog Blue has become very protective over me, and seems to be more affectionate way more affectionate.

·         They DO tell you that you’ll be emotional, but you can’t possibly understand it until you’ve been through it.

·         That you can no longer landscape the nether regions. It’s a good thing that I wasn’t big and pregnant during the summer months. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to keep my bikini line in check when I couldn’t see it.

·         That TUMS become a placebo pill that have no effect on the volcano erupting inside of your chest.

·         You might cry yourself to sleep some nights because you see the fun your friends are having with their carefree lifestyle- and although you wouldn’t trade your baby for anything in the world, it would be nice to be able to go out and just let loose.


·         That you develop a completely different perspective of your mom, your grandmother, your mother in law, or anyone else who has ever carried a child for 10 months, and then given birth to it. It’s a different level of love and respect than you can imagine.

·         The smallest things, such as a diaper commercial, or a sonogram picture, will make you cry.

·         That even in December, it is possible to be surrounded by people wearing layers of warm clothing, and still be dripping with sweat. It is normal, and it will happen. Again, I’m thankful I’m big and pregnant during these winter months.

·         You can get away with more than you used to because of, “your condition”. It’s like a terminal illness, I swear. This is a double edged sword though. You are also incapable of doing anything, and require help for absolutely everything. (;-))

·         Going to Wal-Mart is an event you have to prepare for. Take plenty of fluids, a snack or two, make sure you have a predetermined resting area, and always AlWaYs ALWAYS make sure someone will be home to help you carry and put away the groceries once you make it to your final destination.

·         You will compare yourself to other women who are pregnant, and wonder if what you’re going through is normal.

·         You will find that you can insert something about being pregnant into any conversation.

·         You will also find distance in some of your friendships. Sad, but true.

·         That you will spend hours throughout the day dreaming about what your baby will look like.
·         That it is terrifying to transition from daughter to mother.

·         That getting up off of the couch, in or out of a vehicle (Pick-up trucks especially), or in/out of the bathtub becomes a task that you sometimes need assistance in doing.

·         That some or most of your shame has to go out the window.

·         That you can’t be shy, and you have to ask for help.

·         That your face once again looks like you’re an adolescent male going through puberty.

·         You might have  rage toward anyone who minutely threatens the life of your child. Example: If someone cuts you off on the highway, or steals your parking spot forcing you to walk further to get into the store. “Excuse me?! Do you not know that I’m busy growing another human being in here?! Geez!!!”

·         That for the rest of your life, you will have something to worry about. This begins with the fear of miscarriage, and never. ever. ends. (I’m told.)

·         You shouldn’t be alarmed with Niagara Falls that is now in between your legs. It is normal. It is gross. And you have to just accept it, and be thankful it’s getting ready to lubricate itself for the labouring process.

·         That your hands swell, and you lose the identity of being a wife and college graduate because you can’t wear your rings anymore.

·         You are expected to pop back into your pre baby body thanks to our wonderful society and the view we have of women. (Thanks Jennifer Lopez).

·         You might slowly begin to detach yourself from your body. It isn’t yours anymore, but someone else’s. It can be quite depressing, and it is very VERY important to keep in mind that after this marathon of a race, the prize at the end is worth it all.

·         That cute little number that always turned your husband’s head, won’t fit for a while, and that’s okay.

·         SO you all obviously know that I had to have done the dirty to create this little miracle, so I'm going to enlighten you on how THAT aspect of my life has changed. (Again- quit reading if you're are easily offended.) On my top ten list:
o     1. It's different. Not bad. Just different. 
o    2. It's like someone is squeezing every bit of air out of your lungs and as hard as you try to catch your breath,- you can't.
o    3. You have a big belly in the way now. That makes things incredibly difficult in itself.
o    4. Limited positions.
o    5. Lots of laughing will keep a happy marriage.
o    6. Lot of patience will keep a happy marriage.
o    7. It isn't funny to your husband to tell him you can feel the baby moving while you're in the heat of the moment. (I've been told... :-/ )
o    8. It becomes more difficult for both of you to focus because you don't want to "hurt the baby".
o    9. If the baby moves mid moment, and your husband can see it move, it's usually best to continue at a later time.
o    10. I've learned to sacrifice. :-)

More of, "The Stuff They Don't Tell You..."

·         That it is near impossible to get comfortable for extended periods of time while trying to sleep at night.

·         You wake up many times during the night to pee. If you don’t, you’re not drinking enough water!

·         That your nipples get darker, and bigger.

·         You might start snoring, even if you’ve never done so before.

·         Certain foods that didn’t bother you before, bother you now. Smells, textures, flavors, and HeArTbUrN!!!

·         It is probable that you will crave alcohol, and be judged if you have an ounce or two of wine. (Be careful on this one. My doc said it was ok, {Hello Europe!!!} but some people are SUPER rude when it comes to this topic.)

·         That you’ll seek compliments from your husband when it’s really your own self approval you’re seeking.

·         That staring into an empty crib and nursery for many, many minutes day dreaming about your baby is normal.

·         Watching a movie can be replaced with watching the waves of your unborn child  moving inside of your belly.

·         It is scary to think that you’re now responsible for another human being.

·         That suddenly, you feel the need to clean your entire house, and no matter who tried to stop you, you MUST get it done by a certain time. This is known as, “Nesting”, and is very VERY real.

·         Tears of joy will flow from your eyes when you find yourself sitting in the nursery late at night just thinking of what life will be like in a few months.

·         That the things that used to seem like massive ordeals, truly aren’t as upsetting as they once were.



I plan on adding to this blog as my pregnancy continues. I have 5 weeks left, and am finally feeling pregnant. I've gained 40 pounds, and still struggle when people argue with me on that. Seriously. Why would I make that up?! I finished up a semester in grad school, and am off until February. I have an AMAZING advisor who is willing to keep me and Maddison healthy mentally as well as physically.

I'll probably add more to this blog later, but for now, I hope you enjoyed reading "The Stuff They Don't Tell You..."


30 weeks
32 weeks
34 weeks

Keep praying. IT'S WORKING!!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Tisket, A Tasket...


I will have more words on here later, but for now, know this:

  • I feel much better. I am healing, but not healed.

  •  I am resting, and letting friends and family help me.

  •  I do not like not having the best kept house in the world, but it is lived in, and it is home.

  • I haven't been to school in 2 weeks, and I am going nuts. I feel guilty, kind of depressed, and very anxious about not being there. My standards for myself are too high, and I am working on that.

  • I am looking forward to celebrating my 2 year anniversary with James tomorrow. I can't believe it's been 2 years and I still think to myself, "Omg... I married James McGilvray?! How did that even happen?" There have been many mountain tops, and many valleys that we have walked through together, but the good times always outweigh the bad. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I love the fact that I married my friend who also happens to be the love of my life. I'm constantly amazed at how far we have come as individuals, a couple, and a family. I am so blessed to have him in my life.


For our anniversary, we gave each other this:
It is a king size sleep number bed with a Tempur-Pedic pillowtop. It won't be shipped to our house for another few weeks, but we are SO excited!!! Hey- your 2nd anniversary gift is supposed to be cotton, right? ;-)

  • So, in the past week(ish) here are a few pics of what I have been up to. I haven't done much, but I have started decorating Maddison's nursery. I am having a BLAST I might add!!!
  •  
Here we go...
27 weeks {for Mary Marcum} :-)


27 weeks at home


Parking just for me. Love this!!!

At the beginning of my "Crafting for Maddison" day.


Door Wreath Before

Door Wreath After (Still not complete. I got tired of tying ribbons and moved another a different project!)



Initials before

Initials after (Probably my favorite!!!) I plan to hang this on the wall above Maddi's crib.
 

I forgot to take a picture of the before. This was a gold UGLY dollar store frame ($3.00)  that I spray painted ($2.00), screwed a few mug hooks ($2.00) , and stapled ribbon ($2.00) into. Total cost: $9.00


It's a cute bow frame now! :-) (Thanks for Lindsay Foster for making Maddison her first bows!!!)




So I had this amazing idea for this canvas. It looked REALLY good, too. But then I decided to write on it. I didn't know I bought the wrong king of pen until it was too late, and it bled everywhere. I tried to fix it the best I could without throwing it out in the front yard. (I was in tears and had to have my mom talk me out of tossing it into the dumpster.) At least it was made with LOVE!!!



I saw some lamps at a store like this, and vowed if I ever found the perfect shade, I would replicate it. Hello dollar store shade ($5.00) and stand ($7.00). The boa was from Hobby Lobby ($3.00). Thus, this was a $15.00 lamp. So fun!

This was the inspiration for the entire nursery. By far the most expensive item, until the crib arrives that is...

My mom and I made a Wal-Mart run. I'm not as energetic as I once was. With water in tote, feet propped up on the Sprite, and the best people watching seat in the house, I was feeling much better.

Although I didn't make this, it might be my favorite only because this is PawPaw's first gift to his first granddaughter. :-)

I have an appointment, (glucose test too), on Friday with Dr. Robbins. I will be back on here later with more info!

Y'all KEEP PRAYING! It's working!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Got Patience?




I realized today that it has been exactly one month since I last blogged. How does this happen? I don’t have kids to distract me, or a job, but there is one thing I do have: grad school. Ah yes… My zest to further my education has put other enjoyable things- like blogging, on the back burner. I am guessing that my blogs will become few and far between once my little eggplant arrives.

I will try and cover the hot topics that occurred in the past month but I know I will miss a few things. For starters, I interviewed a few paediatricians to see who would be best qualified to take care of my little miracle once she makes her debut. Now I know I am not the first mother ever, but I am positive that you ladies reading this share the feeling I have when I say that I want ONLY THE BEST CARE AVAILABLE when she needs it. After much consideration, I think James and I have chosen to use Dr. Lovette in Decatur. She exceeds my expectations not only as a doctor, but as a woman, a mother, a Christian, and an all around human being.

Since my last blog, I have learned a few of life’s rough lessons. My husband has begun traveling to South Texas, (yes- the dangerous parts), for work, and that leaves a pregnant wife home with many what-if’s running though her little head. Living on this big ranch like we do, it can be scary in my king sized bed at night. I won’t lie- I sleep with a few lights on when he is gone. Not sure why. It isn’t like a light is going to repel an axe murderer.  I suppose I would like to see the murderer’s face just before he kills me. (My morbid thought process…) I have my protectors outside to alert me when something isn’t right. Blue and our newest family member, Bandit are pretty good about telling me when something isn’t right. 

 I have learned how to survive when James is out of town. I also have learned a few secrets to a happier marriage. Listen closely ladies: If your husband feels respected, then you will feel loved. If you feel loved, then your husband will feel respected. Now, don’t quote me on this, but if you truly think about it, it makes so much sense. I have learned how to show my husband the respect he deserves, and once I did, our marriage- which wasn’t bad by any means- began to improve. It’s amazing what happens when you let go and let God. (Again, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason!!! With Jim being gone more often, and my next few stories, I think that you will understand a bit more. That being said, I want to share this picture. I struggled with putting it out here for everyone to see, but it just might be the most beautiful personal picture I have ever seen.
James got home from South Texas in one piece, and on Sunday night, I began having some sharp pains in my side. It was a few inches from my belly button, and Maddison was still moving so I went ahead and shrugged it off and went to bed. By 4:00 in the morning, I was ready to hit the local emergency room, but instead I got up and researched what exactly could be going on inside of me. I allowed Web MD to diagnose me with appendicitis, Braxton Hicks, or pre-term labor. By 9:00 am, I was calling my doctor to ask her what could be wrong. James went ahead and went into work and asked me to keep him updated. I didn’t want to be alone, so what did I do? You know me too well…

My mom was over within minutes, and by this time, it was 11:00. I was extremely concerned that my doctor hadn't returned my call, so I called back. Apparently, their phones were down and they hadn't gotten my message. My doctor wanted me to come in immediately because she thought it sounded like I was having contractions. I faaareaked out and within 10 minutes, James was in the driveway and we were headed to Fort Worth. I was hooked up to several machines and it was confirmed that Maddison was not planning on making a debut at this point. My doctor did a cervical exam, (which was uncomfortable, but funny only because James was in the room and had never witnessed this before). She was testing for something called Fetal Fibronectin.

With all of the thoughts going though my head, I didn’t pay attention to what she was testing for. She ordered a sonogram, and that was when we found out what was wrong. “You’ve somehow torn a muscle in the lining of your abdominal wall.” What?! How does this even happen? I didn’t know that it was possible, but I accepted it, and asked what we needed to do now. “You need to relax, and take it easy for a couple of weeks. This muscle needs to heal, or you will definitely be miserable for the next few months.” I left with a huge peace of mind, and knew that Maddison had 3 more months to bake in my oven.



I went home and rested, and then got up the next day for class. Let me give you a glimpse into my Tuesday and Wednesday’s this semester. I get up and 5:30 and get ready for the day. I leave my house by 6:45 to head toward Denton. I arrive in Denton around 7:45-8:00 and prepare for my first client at 8:15. I have several clients, and am usually finished about 1:30 or 2:00. From there, I head over to TWU library and finish up any last minute touches on assignments, or research items that are due soon. Class starts at 5:30 and ends at 8:20. I am usually in my truck by 8:30ish, and pulling into my driveway by 10:00. That seemed doable to me- when I wasn’t pregnant!

So, on this particular Tuesday, I am in Denton by 8:00, have my clients, and head over to meet my friend Natalie at the TWU library to finish up an assignment that was due at 5:30. (Slackers, I know…) We reserved a room and were getting much work done when my phone rang. It was my doctor’s office, and I assumed they were just calling to check on me. I answered the phone and it was my nurse. She asked how I was feeling and I told her sore, but overall I was ok. She asked if I was sitting down and resting at the moment, and I said yes. What she said afterward is something I don’t think I could ever prepare myself for.

“You tested positive for Fetal Fibronectin, and we need you to come in to the hospital and check in immediately. It seems that you are in the high risk category, and could deliver your baby anytime from now and into the next three weeks.” I swear, the words after that were such a blur that I don’t even know if it was English she was speaking. My face got hot. My heart leaped up into my throat. It truly felt like I was in a movie. The room was so full of silence that my ears drums wanted to rupture. My body was numb and all I could think of was delivering Maddison long before she was ready. I took note of my friend Natalie’s presence when she came and put her hand on my shoulder. I was so very glad someone was there with me, and didn’t care that she was witnessing my melt into a puddle of raw emotion. As I hung up the phone, I began to sob and repeat, “I can’t believe this is happening!” I remember thinking about how selfish I was being as my nurses words were catching up with the speed of my train of thought. She mentioned bed rest. How could I be on bed rest when I am in grad school with an internship?! What on earth have I done in my lifetime that would endanger the life of my growing child? My one job is to grow this baby, and I had failed. I felt that my identity had suddenly transitioned from “daughter/wife/student/friend” to “complete failure”. I realized I had to call James, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together.


I took a deep breath and called. He answered and after uttering his name, and that I needed to go to the hospital, no more words would come. I was ripped back to being a child full of pain and heartache, and not being able to express what it felt like. The intensity of the disappointment and fear in my soul is not describable with words. My mouth was open, but the only thing coming out of me were tears. On the other end of line was a panicked Daddy who was begging for me to calm down so he could understand what was going on. Again, I was thankful for Natalie. I handed her the phone and cradled my head in my hands. I recited the words of the nurse over and over again, and was praying that God please take care of my sweet Maddison.

I gathered my things as Natalie planned to drive me home, but as we walked to the parking lot, I had a wave of peace come over me. I can’t quite explain it. I’m not going to venture out and say that an angel swooped down and wrapped her wings around me for comfort, but there was definitely a peace that passes our understanding that was surrounding me. I am NOT an advocate for texting and driving, but the entire way home from Denton, I was texting my prayer warrior friends and family. It was all that I knew to do. I made it home to find my mom and James anxiously packing bags for an overnight stay. (Something the nurse said to plan for). In the midst of all the commotion, I did remember one thing that I vowed to keep maintained from here on out: I had not shaved my legs in at least five days.

We get to the hospital, and get checked in. Again, I had a peace in my heart and soul, and could feel Maddison throwing a party inside of me. For whatever reason, I wasn't that concerned. After another cervical swab, and several hours, it was determined that the first test was a false positive. Me, my mom, James, and his mom all breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t until we were on our way home that the reality of the situation hit James. I won’t go into detail about how hard this situation hit him, but it was heart breaking to see my big strong husband feel so helpless over the well-being of his innocent baby girl. Absolutely. Heart breaking.


I was told to be on bed rest for the next week, and to let my body heal from all of what we had been through in the past few days.

 Apparently, I didn’t do a very good job. A couple of weeks passed, and then this past Saturday night, a few of us went to celebrate my friend Terra’s birthday. We enjoyed a nice dinner and after James and I got home, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling very well. I laid down and was having serious issues trying to get comfortable. My sweet husband surprised me with this:



Sunday morning, I felt somewhat better- until I got out of bed. My lower abdomen felt like someone had a knife and wanted to inflict serious pain on me if I moved, breathed, or heaven forbid, cough or sneeze. I figured it was round ligament pains, and tried to take it easy as I cleaned house, did laundry, made beef stew, and baked blackberry cobbler. It wasn't until 9:30 Sunday night that I thought something was really wrong.

I called my doctor on Monday morning, and she was concerned with my constant pain for nearly 24 hours. James was heading out of town, and I wasn’t concerned that Miss Maddison was in any danger. My mom had the opportunity to go watch the Rangers play, so I swore to her that she was NOT the world’s worst mother if she missed out this go round. Thank goodness for kind mother in laws! As soon as I asked, Kim dropped everything that she had planned, and spent the entire day with me at the doctor.

We finally get in to see my doctor, (she had an emergency delivery at the hospital), and she tells me that I have completely torn a big ol' muscle from one part of my tummy to another. She goes on to tell me that I HAVE to slow down, and really monitor my school schedule. I admitted to her that Tuesday's and Wednesday's are pretty complicated for me, and she ended up giving me a doctor’s note excusing me from classes for two weeks. I had a meltdown right then and there. I don’t know how to explain it. If you know my story of my life “Pre-James” then you know how hard I have worked for what I have achieved. To graduate with my master’s degree is a goal that I never thought I would ever attain. It is so much more to me than just a degree. It represents the pain, love, joy, excitement, suffering, friendship, compromise, and independence that I have found since 2006.

I literally began crying in front of my doctor, and  like an adolescent, I hid behind my hands hoping that the other two people in the room wouldn’t judge me for being so selfish. I shocked myself when I realized why I was crying. Here I am, with something I have wanted more than anything in the world growing inside of me, and I am concerned about graduating from grad school by a date that I personally have set as a deadline in my head. No one has told me that I HAVE to finish by a particular date. The perfectionist in me was acting like a red devil on my shoulder and screaming to try harder to convince the doctor that I can do it all. The mother in my spoke louder than the devil, and I agreed that I should put my baby before school, and do whatever it took to let her grow for as long as she needed. With that, I was told that I could not go to class for two weeks, and that I needed to readjust my schedule so that I no longer had 15 hour days. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I did.


Or call your mom...
It has been 3 days since that last doctor’s visit, and I feel better. I have ingested some medicine to heal my torn muscle, and with the help of my husband, my mom, my mother in law, my grandma, and numerous family and friends- I am making it through these next 14 weeks. Here is how much Maddison has grown in just one week.

25 weeks


26 weeks
I. Love. Being. Pregnant.

Here are a few pics of some of my blogging moments:
Having to text your husband and ask him to buy this product takes your marriage to a whole new level. :-)
Cannot. Wait.
While waiting, in the pickup, for James to finish a conversation, I was texting him. He didn't understand.

Like my belly, my appetite is growing.



I will conclude this blog with a sonogram of Maddi at 25 weeks. Yes- it is semi creepy. Yes- she resembles an alien. Yes- I think it is an adorable picture even though most people can't even make out what it is they are looking at. I'm her mom, and I think she is beautiful!
Maddison's right side of her face, right eye, and tummy.
Please PLEASE keep praying y'all!
IT'S WORKING!!!