"Sugar and Spice, And Everything Nice. That's What Little Girls Are Made Of..."

Life has been pretty hectic, and I haven’t had time to blog, and I feel so separated from you all, and I have so much to fill you in on!

Since I blogged last, here are the milestones that have occurred in my life:

• 2 weeks ago, I ate a hamburger. I broke my “Meat makes me want to vomit up my toenails” streak of 6 weeks, and ate the most amazing hamburger Sonic has ever made.
• I thought I felt Baby M move this past week, but I can’t tell if it’s gas or not. Weird thing to say, I’m sure, but if you’ve been pregnant, you understand.
• I started going to the track and working out in the mornings before the sun even comes up. It is something that I truly love doing. I don’t know if it’s because it feels good afterward, or if it’s because it’s something for me, James, and Baby M to do as a family. . I do know that is IS NOT because it happens at 5:30 a.m.  I usually speed walk a mile and a half, then walk/slow jog 10 sets of bleachers. It is rough considering my abs are slowly disappearing.
• Grad school (summer) is coming to a close. I think I will be able to reach my goal of 100 clinical hours this summer. It’s been a gruelling process, and my blogging has suffered because of it. It’s a trade off I suppose. I graduate in May 2012 with my maters!!!
• My body has begun changing. I can no longer comfortable go without a bra. This is mainly due to the fact that we live in Texas, and the heat creates so much sweat on the girls, that I end up being miserable because I have sweat rolling in every crack and crevasse before I even make it to my truck. The cocoa butter I lather on doesn’t help much I suppose. Maybe it'll get better when it hasn't been over 100 degrees for 33 straight days...

• My cravings have been consistent. I have enjoyed watermelon, cantaloupe, peaches, banana’s nectarines, boiled egg whites, almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, yogurt, cheese (cheddar and string), and cereal. I honestly eat about 3 bowls of cereal each day. Before I realized it, I have accumulated frosted shredded wheat, honey nut cheerios, rice krispies, corn pops, fruity pebbles, cocoa puffs, and honeycombs in my cabinet. I don’t know how this happened, but I’m not gonna fight it. I have always like variety. One day, I plan to open up a cereal bar. (Ask me for details later. I have it all planned out!!!)
• James is slowly understanding the idea that a human being is growing inside of my belly. He is the type of husband and Daddy that I have always wanted when it comes to one. He is constantly walking by me and rubbing his hand on my belly. My favourite time of each day is when we go to bed, and when we first wake up. It is reserved for getting a few cuddles in before the rush of the day begins, and when the rush of the day ends. Now, instead of him holding me in order to go to sleep, or kissing me to wake me up, he is holding and kissing both me and Baby M. I love it, and I crave it at the beginning and end of each day. It truly helps me get out of bed each morning with a warm heart.

Since I blogged last we have transitioned from peach, to lemon, to naval orange! I love it! Right now, Baby M can rest comfortably in the palm of my hand from the tip of my middle finger, to the bottom of my palm. Pretty amazing...

So I’m sure you’re dying to hear about my day on Monday, August 1, 2011. It was pretty awesome the night before actually, so that is where I will start.

Me and Jim were laying in bed, and talking about how we thought Baby M was a boy. We talked about how different life would be, even in 24 hours. I thought about how this night was the last night that I would wonder if would spend my life worrying about the well being of my son, or my daughter. It was amazing to me that within 24 hours, I would be laying in the exact same spot, doing the exact same thing, but that 10 minutes of my day would change my life forever. It took a while, but I fell asleep with the love of my life holding me and Baby M in his arms.

Monday morning came, and Jim went to work. I stayed in bed and made myself rest until 8:30. (We went to Houston, and were up late all weekend. This was one tired Mama!) My alarm went off, and I was in somewhat of a daze as I got ready. I found myself thinking, “This is the last time I will do (fill in the blank) before I know if I’m having a boy or a girl”. Silly, I know, but I caught myself doing it over and over.

Now, earlier, I mentioned that Jim had gone to work. Our appointment was at 10:30 in Fort Worth, and he had said we should leave at 9:45. I agreed, and when the clock struck 9:45 and there was no dust in sight, I picked up the phone to call. “Wait.” I thought. “I’ll be patient, and give him a few minutes. 5 minutes passed, and then I called. When he answered, there was no, “Hello?” It was a hurried, “I’m on our road. Be there in a second.” Then dead air. I gathered my 5 blank VHS tapes, (they told me to bring 1 to record the sonogram, but I’ll have you know, you can’t buy ONE VHS tape. Lord knows everyone needs bulk VHS tapes these days, and so you need to buy 5 at a time for $10.00.)

Anyway, he flies into the driveway and I’m waiting with my bag of snacks, a bottle of water, my VHS tapes, and my purse. I get in and he is on the phone. (His business phone, as opposed to his personal phone). He makes a pit stop at the dumpster, and proceeds to clean out his truck. I take note that his dashboard clock clearly says 10:00. I don’t say anything because he is on a business call. We get down to the end of our 2 mile driveway, and his fuel light comes on. Seriously?

We go to the new Loves gas station, and pull in to get gas. It is now 10:07, and I am having a mini panic attack. Our appointment is now in 23 minutes, and we are in Rhome. Great. I start thinking that we are going to be late, and my doctor is going to give away my time slot and we won’t know until next time if Baby M is a boy or a girl. I did something that I never thought I would do, but out of frustration, lack of communication because he was still on the phone, and anxiety, I did it. *SNAP SNAP SNAP* As he is pumping gas, I snapped my fingers. He poked his little pea pickin’ head inside and I gently reminded him that our appointment was at 10:30. He mouths, “I’m trying to get us there”. I burned a hole in the dashboard clock that read 10:09, and calculated 21 minutes… I leaned back in the seat, and began looking at baby names to calm my nerves. Long story short, we pulled into the doctors parking lot at 10:36.

Once we got there, I went and did the whole urine sample thing like you’re supposed to, and then realized that every single patient that Dr. Robbins has was there. Seriously. It was like she was giving away free money, and people came from all over to get it. We had 2 appointments. One was with the sonographer, and the other was my monthly check-up with Dr. Robbins. We waited over an hour to see the sonographer, and I actually felt guilty for rushing us so hard to get there by 10:30.

He calls my name, and we walk into the room that houses a big flat screen TV, a bunch of medical equipment, and an examination table. He makes small talk, while reading my chart and then a smile comes to his face when he discovers that we are going to have a life altering moment before we leave the room.

“So, you get to find out if you’re having a boy or a girl today?” We both excited and anxiously said yes, and looked at each other like two teenagers who had just fallen in love.

I felt nervous. I don’t know why, but I did. It was a good nervous though. Like, the kind of nervous you get just before you accept an award, or before you walk across the stage to get your diploma. Maybe anxious is a more fitting word. I laid back, and prepared my tummy to become a portal into a world that we have only seen twice. He put the gel on me, and within 10 second of the wand being on my body, he says, “I know what it is…” I looked at the screen, and felt myself fighting back tears. I couldn’t make out what the image was, but it was killing me that someone other than me and James knew the sex of our child! I admitted to both of them that I couldn’t tell what it was, and secretly thought that I was already a bad mother because I couldn’t see my own child.

He showed us Baby M’s head, tummy, spine, legs, arms, kidney’s, and heartbeat. It was amazing. We listened to the rapid 154 beats per minute heart rate, and then our little miracle turned and looked right at the camera. It was hysterical! I grabbed Jim’s arm and wished that he could lay down with me and enjoy this moment as close to me as possible. The little mouth on the screen began moving up and down in a sucking motion. I laughed, and Baby M responded by kicking back, arms locked behind the head, and legs up in the air, then the kicking began. It was breath-taking to see something like that moving inside of me.

The sonographer asked 3 words that I was more than ready to hear, “Are y’all ready?” I gripped Jim’s arm, and caressed it with my thumb as the sonographer put the cursor on top of our baby’s genitalia. I still had no clue as to what I was looking at. Was it a penis, or a vagina? If I could study for an exam as hard as I studied this image staring me in the face, I would keep a 4.0 GPA for the rest of my life.

“Congratulations. Say hello to your little…” Time stood still. He was being the most cruel sonographer in the history of sonographers. It was probably only about 5 seconds, but it seemed like eternity that he paused. I had time to look at Jim, look at him, look back at the screen, and the look at him again waiting for an answer. It was like a friggin’ movie!!!

Then, the sweetest word in the English language was spoken, “Girl.”

I looked at Jim, and his reflection matched mine. Eyes were wide, mouth was dropped open, and face was flush. My eyes were defective and leaking at this point. It is something I don’t know how to describe. I couldn’t control it. The happiest tears that have ever left my eyes fell in that moment. “A girl? I’m going to have a daughter?” The longer I thought about it, the more the tears came. “A little girl. I’m going to be a Mama, and I’m going to have a little girl.” The word girl kept running through my head, and I realized that I wanted this little girl more than anything in this entire world. I had convinced myself that since we had so easily come up with a boys name, that we were having a boy. I figured that was God’s way of giving me a break, and the chance to plan out this thing a little more. We had struggled with a girl’s name, and it just “felt like a boy”. To hear the sonographer say we would have a little girl in January was better than any drug, and high, any kind of man made potion to make you feel elated. It was a dose of a miracle from God, and there just aren’t words to describe the love that filled my heart in an instant.

To see the reflection of love in my husband, and the father of my little girl inside of me was miraculous. The sonographer said that they no longer use VHS tapes to capture the video of the sonogram, but next time to bring a flashdrive. (Good thing too, b/c the Texas heat zapped the images when we got to the truck. Luckily I had taken a few snapshots with my phone before the all turned pitchen black!!!) We left the room, and floated out to the lobby to gaze at the first 4 pictures that so clearly showed the image of our daughter’s head, face, tummy, arms, and legs. She was healthy, and we were happy.

For the next hour, we waited in the waiting room to see our doctor for my check-up. We had time to discuss a lot of things, and some of them, I will keep reserved in my memory and take them with me to my grave. Some things are just so amazing, you should treasure them keep them for only yourself. This was one of those times.

One thing I will share is this: While waiting on our name to be called, we decided we wanted to name her immediately. She had a personality on the screen, and we saw it. Jim said that she was, “babbling already” and he shook his head. (I just kept thinking how much power this little miracle was going to have over her Daddy…)

For a boy, we had decided on the name Caysen James Cash McGilvray. James is a family name that has been carried on for 3 generations in my husband’s family. His grandpa on his dad’s side is named James Leroy McGilvray Sr., his dad is named James Leroy McGilvray Jr., and my husband’s name is James William (after his maternal grandfather, William- nicknamed Bill. This is why you sometimes hear me call him Jimmy Billy!!! Bahaha!!!).             

 James Cash Snodgrass was my mom’s dad. He was an amazing man, and loved by everyone he knew. He even has a park in Boyd dedicated to him. The James Snodgrass Memorial Park. I swear to you that I have never heard anyone say one negative thing about him. I miss him terribly, and wish that he were here to hold my daughter when she entered this crazy messed up world, but I have it even better. I know that he has already had a hand on her, and will continue to live on through her.

We have chosen to name our daughter, “Maddison Cash McGilvray”.

It was Jim’s idea to put Cash in there, and it amazed me that even though I have reserved the name James Cash for my first son since I was 13 years old, my husband suggested we use Cash for our first daughter. Tears filled my eyes, and I agreed that Maddi Cash would a name that fits perfectly into our little family.

We left the doctor Monday with a good bill of health for me, and for Maddison. I am doing everything just as I should be, and even getting the exercise that is needed for her to be an even healthier newborn.

Each month, I wonder, “Gosh. Can it get any better than this?” And each month, it does. I can’t wait to hold my little Maddi Cash, and show her just how much love one family has to give.

Keep praying. It’s working.

If you squint, stand on one leg, tilt your head to the left and cover one eye, you can clearly see I'M PREGNANT!!!

So, I am just over 3 months preggo, and it is more obvious to me that a piece of spinach stuck in someone’s front teeth as they are talking to me. I keep finding myself frustrated, yet relieved when people can’t tell that I’m pregnant. I can look down at my once completely flat tummy, and see this bump that has never been there before and wonder, “How on earth can you not tell?!” Here are some examples to back up my frustration and sometimes relief.

While at the mall last week, I sashayed into a cute little junior’s boutique and scanned the goods. I found several cute capris and a couple of semi-long shorts. I walked into a dressing room and feeling like one of those cutesy pregnant women you see walking down the street, I pulled the shorts up, and then… it hit me. My body is busy preparing for this baby, and the skimpy blue jean shorts that have always been my go-to item for summer fashion were no longer on my list of summer favs. I couldn’t even get the dang zipper up, much less button them. So what do I do? I’m determined…

I goand find the next size up like any rational 27 year old pregnant woman shopping in a junior’s boutique would do. I get them in the dressing room, and faced pretty much the same problem only this time- I got them zipped, but buttoning them was sure to suffocate my unhatched chicken. I’m a stickler for putting clothes back where I found them, but this day, I left everything laying in the dressing room, off the hangers, and just walked out. I was kind of frazzled, but not even close to complaining. I adore my little peach, and am happy to provide some cushion for him or her. I ended up coming home with 4 maternity shirts that actually look like regular shirts, but are super comfy stretch cotton-like material.

Something else that peaks my interest is this: Will I still be getting hit on when I’ve got a basketball under my shirt? Sometimes I think that some men see my wedding ring and think that it came from a cracker jack box and I’m just pretending to be married. Seriously. It’s like my ring is actually a sign that says, “I’m not really married. I’m just wearing this to make you think I’m unavailable, so please, proceed with the lame pick-up lines, and make yourself look like an idiot by trying to get me to think you’re a stud”. While at the horseraces Sunday, a gentleman was lingering beside me while I was dipping my strawberries in the chocolate fondue. (Yes, the strawberries were amazing. Be jealous.) I had chosen to wear very baggy khaki colored linen pants, and a strapless pink flowy cotton shirt. The necklace I chose to wear always is multi colored and has a huge cross as the centerpiece. It almost always gets compliments, but this guy was a little over the top on complimenting my attire. (And yes, he was straight). First he mentioned something about me getting chocolate on my pants, and how it would be hard to get that stain out. Then he went on to say that he thought my pants would be airy and cool, even though it was really hot outside. I agreed that they were. Then, he went for the necklace.

I won’t lie. I had some cleavage showing, but not much. My shirt wasn’t tight, and I didn’t look like a skank or anything. As he stared at my necklace (which I’m pretty sure was a lame excuse for him to be a creeper), he asked me where I got it because it was beautiful. I told him Sam Moon, and I tried not to be rude as I was focusing on dipping my 5 strawberries into the chocolate, and this guy didn’t slow down. He asked if I was there with anyone and I quickly said, “Yes. My husband surprised me with these tickets.” I guess after my confirmation of being married, he threw in the towel. He told us to have fun and then went on about his business. I chuckled and wondered if this was the last time I would have this issue. I suppose in my mind, I assume I will transform into the hideous Fiona or Shrek look alike in the coming months. We shall see.

I’m not sure if the previos story was an example of frustration or relief, but this next one is relief. This weekend, Jim and I decided to go for a swim, and I have yet to buy a new swimsuit. (It didn’t even cross my mind while at the mall last week.) So I squeezed my top half into a bikini, and went to the pool. While we were swimming, he complimented my body and said that if he didn’t know me, there was no way he could tell I was pregnant. Now, if that isn’t a compliment , then I don’t know what is. I was impressed with his words, and filed them in his “Things to think of when Jim makes me mad” file for use on a later date. Although there are times when I want to look pregnant because I think it will make me have more of a bond with Baby M, I am glad that when in a string bikini, I don’t look 3 months pregnant. Thank you God for timing Baby M when you did. Maybe I can get through this bikini season without feeling like a beached whale!!!

So yesterday, I had to go to Denton for a few school related things, and return a book to TWU before 6:00pm. (For those of you who have been out of school for a while, there is this new program called Rent-a-Text. You pay half price, and turn the book in at the end of the semester. Pretty cool, right?) Anyway, since I was going to Denton, I asked my mom and Grandma to join me for a day of fun after I was finished at the school. They agreed, and after my business was taken care of, we went and had lunch, and headed to the mall. I was really wishing that we knew if Baby M was a boy or a girl, because for the first time, I let myself wander through the baby departments at the department stores. Seriously. If I wasn’t already pregnant, walking though those sections would make me want a baby ASAP. I decided on my nursery colors for sure after looking at all the clothing. Although it’s only been a couple of months since I found out I was pregnant, I haven’t let myself think of anything to permanent just in case God decided that He needed Baby M more than I did. After hearing my Dr. say it’s okay to start buying stuff, I can’t wait until August 1, 2011!!!

I got I text from Jim that said, "Don't ask questions. What size swimsuit do you wear. Top and bottom" I wanted to ask what int he world he wanted to know that for, but I followed directions, and told him. When I got home, I had forgotten about his inquiry, and here's what I found.

Brownie points!!!

I will leave you with these thoughts that I’ve been having about nesting. How do you know when it’s nesting? Is that something that happened throughout the pregnancy, or just toward the end? I’ve been cleaning my house and several people have commented that I’m “nesting”. Just curious. Maybe Jim is nesting too. He is building a shop with a big carport so that we can have storage space for our office/storage/spare bedroom when we start on the nursery. (oh em gee. There is going to be a nursery in my house!) He is too cute. He really has been helping out a lot around the house. Bless his heart-I haven’t cooked a meal in over a month now. He has been living off of sandwiches and cereal, and whatever KK has to serve a lunch. Hahaha! I’m not kidding.

Baby M is the size of a peach this week. I love it. My little peach-just keep on growing…

My Little Peach!!!

Keep praying- it’s working.

How can music with no instruments sound so sweet?

Monday, June 27 was the date of my last blog. That means that it has been 10 days since I wrote down my thoughts. I have seen numerous clients, led a couple of anger management groups, taken a couple of exams, written a few papers, read a ton of chapters, (well supposed to have read a ton of chapters…) and taken TONS of notes.

I guess I will begin with Friday since that is what trauma sticks out in my mind. I had 2 clients back to back at the clinic where I am doing my internship. About 10 minutes before my first client, it occurs to me that I have a huge assignment due in my Saturday class, and I had barely even started. Originally, I had planned on being an overachiever, and I started the assignment over a week prior, but somehow, I thought I still had a week left to complete it. After frantically texting numerous people in the C&D program during my meltdown, my client walked in. Drop every problem that I have going on, and focus on the client. After all, I am a professional, right? (Pshhhhh!!!) So in the room I go. I hit record on my video camera, and the session begins. 15 minutes in, I hear various beeps, and realize that my camera battery is puttering out on me. Seriously? I was so frustrated! It is what it is, I thought, and went on about my business. My next session came and went, and when I got home, I finished my assignment in lightning speed mode.

My original plan for the past several weeks was to celebrate my friend Steph’s birthday at a Mexican food restaurant she had chosen. Epic fail. Earlier that day, I had tested the waters of the Mexican food aromas. I felt terrible, but there was absolutely no way that I would be able to sit through a dinner with a few friends and enjoy myself when I was fighting back vomit tickling the back of my throat. I didn’t go, and felt like I was a horrible horrible friend. Although I do not wish for any of my friends to ever experience what I have with smells and meats, I hope that one day they might understand just why I was unable to make it to this celebration.

The next morning, I drove my assignment to Denton, and as luck would have it, when I got there, the building was locked. I tried 3 doors before I found the secret passage to turning in my assignment. Now, that I was in the building, I had to get my assignment to the right place. Easier said than done. If I was a good student, I would have turned in my assignment in class like everyone else, but noOoOoOoOo… I was skipping class on the July 4^th weekend, and going to the lake. Serves me right I suppose that I ended up sliding my assignment under the door of my professors office in hopes that she would find it. (Maybe I should have followed up on that now that I think of it… )

I get back to my house, and James has the truck loaded down. In the bed of the pickup sat 900.00 worth of firecrackers, I mean fireworks. (I was corrected by James when I called them firecrackers. He said that no body calls them that anymore. ) We were only staying at the lake Saturday night and Sunday night, but when you’re pregnant, you truly pack for any occasion. I had waited until the last minute to pack for this trip, and wouldn’t you know it, when I got home, he was rearing to go!

I grabbed a huge suitcase, and began throwing random outfits in it. You never know what situation you might encounter on a weekend lake trip. There was one minor problem that quickly came to my attention. My swimsuit tops no longer fit properly, and I didn’t have time to go buy any larger sizes. Well crap. Here I am stuck looking like a pregnant porn star because I don’t dare ask James if we can stop by Wal-Mart to get me a swimsuit. I grabbed at least 8 of my swimsuits, and other random things, threw them my ginormous suitcase, and out the door we went. James had a change of heart on the way to the lake, and decided to stop at a Wal-Mart to let me upgrade my weekend wardrobe.

There was one minor/major problem. This Wal-Mart was in Bowie, Texas. Now I don’t know if any of you have ever tried to shop in this particular store, but let the record show, they had nothing-NOTHING in my size. Oh, and their swimsuit section consisted of 20 swimsuits on a rack. Maybe it’s the end of swimsuit season in Bowie, Texas, but I’m pretty sure summer just began about 3 weeks ago.

We finally get to the lake, (with no new swimsuit mind you), and it was time for relaxation to begin!

We got a bunch of R&R on Saturday, but then… Sunday came. We rode jet ski’s, everyone (except me) went tubing and skiing, and we all got way too much sun. For the first time since I was of drinking age, I was on the lake for hours upon hours, and didn’t have one single alcoholic beverage. Now I know you’re thinking that I’m a horrible mom already for even being the least bit jealous of this time when everyone was drinking, but seriously--- when you start having dreams about an ice cold Coors Light, you know you’re having a craving. Terrible, right? I felt like a kid waiting in line for the ice cream man, only to find out that when it was her turn, the ice cream man was out of ice cream. It was difficult to be around all of my friends while they were wading in the water and enjoying their beverages, but each time I thought about how good an ice cold beer would taste on this day of 105 degree heat, the thoughts of my healthy, happy, miracle flooded my mind. I suppose it’s a fine line between being pregnant and wanting a beer so badly that your mouth waters, and being pregnant and consuming beer after beer and quenching your thirst while disfiguring your baby’s body and mind. I chose not to drink, and somehow, I survived, and had a fun filled weekend. (Let the record show that flip cup is not near as fun if you play with lemonade…)

Fast forward to Monday July 4. We are at the Starnes family fireworks stand, and Shane has concocted what he calls a “Sparkler Bomb”. Is it exactly what it says. It is big, loud, and you can feel the boom in your chest when it explodes. Aside from enjoying the fireworks beside my hubby and Daddy-to-be, one thing he said keeps replaying how good of a Daddy he is going to be in my mind. When the sparkler bomb was about to be lit, my baby daddy shows this look of concern on his face, and turns to me and says, “Do you think that you should like, turn and face the other direction or something? Maybe you should just stand behind me.” I know this is something that no one would probably think twice about, but in my mind, it was as good as him saying, “I love you and this baby more than anything, and I don’t want anything to hurt either one of you. I would rather something happen to me before anything happens to you two.” Now granted, I am pretty over analytical. I own that, but can’t you see a sliver of a protective Daddy bear in there? I love it.

Can you tell yet? 12 weeks

Now for the good part of this blog. Yet another moment to add to my movie trailer of my little miracle. Tuesday morning, me and Jim get up and drive to Fort Worth to meet with Dr. Robbins. I just love her! We get into the exam room, and the PA wheels in her little ultrasound cart. I had prepped Jim to record Baby M’s heartbeat with my phone (yet another time when my iPhone came in handy), and so when the nurse put the wand on my tummy, he hit record. The most beautiful sound I think I have ever heard was filling the room. In that moment, the consistent whirrs in the air brought tears to my eyes. It felt like it was just me and James in the room. No nurse, no machine, just us and our baby. It was the first time that I felt like we had our own family. Time was frozen, and the look on this proud Papa’s face is forever etched into my mind. I can’t quite pinpoint an emotion to attach with it. Happy, proud, joyful, love, excitement, fear, anxiety… It was amazing. To know that the love between me and the man that God created for me was brought together and life was breathed into my body because of it just resonated with me. The look of many emotions reflected from James’ face to my own, and I was glued onto him. In a matter of seconds, a dream became a reality. Baby M was real. Our fears of miscarriage were further from our mind, and the comfort of hearing Baby M’s heartbeat was better than any gift I’ve ever been given. If I could bottle up that emotion and sell it, this world would be a much happier place.

Growing like a weed!

The nurse showed herself out and let us know that Dr. Robbins would be in soon. Still in a daze from the growing miracle inside of me, I was startled when Dr. Robbins came in the room. Her first words were, “Let me be the first to congratulate you two!” I was thinking, “What in the world is she talking about? Oh my gosh- are there two in there?!?!” My racing thoughts were abruptly ceased when she said, “Welcome to your second trimester! You can quit worrying as much now, because the developmental period is just about complete, and now your baby is just going to grow grow grow!” It felt amazing to hear her say that. This entire time, I have been faced with friends and family who mean well, but try to err on the side of caution and not let their excitement show because, “Heather might miscarry.” After hearing my doctor assure me that everything is a-ok, I am ready to start shopping! She told me my protein was okay, my sugar levels were okay, I’m not anywhere near even being borderline anaemic, I’m immune to German Measles, and oh, one last thing… “I have a secret if you wanna know."

Any time your doctor says they have a secret, of course you want to know! She went on to say, "We have a specialist who comes in on Monday’s and Thursdays. He can tell as early as 14 weeks if you are pregnant with a boy or a girl. Would you and James be interested in finding out the sex of your baby?” For a moment, I swear I had an out of body experience. It was like a scene out of Ghost. I could have sworn that I floated up out of my body, danced a little jig and did a few cartwheels, and then returned to my body. Without even thinking, I sounded like I had just stepped out of the movie, Clueless. “OH MY GOSH! SERIOUSLY?!” was my response. She said that we could just come back in 4 weeks and merge my 4 month check-up with my sonogram appointment, so that my friends is what we did! August 1 is a day that will forever be engraved in my mind. The funny thing about finding out Baby M is a boy or a girl is this: Shopping is now a necessity. This not only applies to me, but to my family and friends as well. If we know to buy little boy items or little girls items, it will be much easier to impulse buy!

I can’t wait.

Life is great, and I’ve never been happier. Marriage is good. Family is good. Friends are good. Grad school is… well, it is what it is…

Keep praying! (I’m pretty sure it’s working!!!)

Life is Good.

It's true. I've gone blogging MIA...

I haven't done a blog in over a week, so I figured it was time to let you all get a glimpse into my world again.

Last week was my first week off work, and honestly, I can't even tell that I don't have a job! I know that I was struggling getting everything done before, but now that I have almost 40 more hours of free time- I don’t know where it is!!!

I was a busy bee last week. I put in my time at my internship, went to class, maintained my marriage, and grew another human being. All in a days work, right?

Let’s start with Friday June 17. For months I have been planning this event called “Boyd’s 2^nd Annual Pickin’ in the Pasture Benefit”. I got up Friday morning, and after an extremely rough Thursday (which we won’t even go into), I was eager to see what Friday had to bring. My mom and I ran a ton of errands all over the county in preparation for Pickin’ in the Pasture.

For whatever reason, I thought that I could put my pregnancy on the back burner while I tried to be wonder woman and work this event. I was quickly reminded that I was eating for two when I became so dizzy that I didn’t think I could drive. I reached into my handy dandy lunchbox (which if you have been around me at all in the past 3 weeks, you can probably describe exactly what it looks like) and pulled out a banana. The vitamins in the banana gave me enough strength to get through Wal-Mart and get the items needed for the event.

Let me back up a step… Wal-Mart. Have any of you been to the Wal-Mart in Decatur recently? First off, I don’t care to go to Wal-Mart much anyway, but I swear, it’s like Jack in the Beanstalk picked up this store, shook it around like a snow globe, and then sat it back down. I can’t find ANYTHING! The shoes are where there once was underwear and the towels and bathroom décor now is the home for laundry detergent and baggies. What the heck Wal-Mart? Is it not enough that I spend hundreds of dollars on you each time I leave? Why do you insist on sucking hours off of my life? I don’t get it.

 I’ve considered making a list of my needed items, and trading it with my mom. Have you heard of this? It’s GeNiUs! Seriously. It is supposed to save time and money. Step one: Make a list of what you need from the store. Step two: Have a friend do the same with the items they need. Step three: Trade lists, and make a date of going to Wal-Mart (or where ever you go to surrender hours of your life to purchase life’s necessities.) Step four: Once at the store of your choice, designate a time and checkout line to meet when you’re finished. Then you both part ways and get the items on the list in your hand. Step five: Meet at the designated spot, and switch carts. Don’t overanalyse what is in the basket, just pay for it, then leave. This is said to save families hundreds of dollars because you don’t put random things in other people’s baskets! Great idea, huh?

Anywho, I’ve thought about doing this, but Ihaven’t followed through with it. Maybe I will soon.

Long story short, we had the event ready to go at 6:00pm when the gates opened. Food: Check. Sound guy: Check. Bands: Check. People to come in, eat, and listen to the bands: Negative. 6:30 rolled around, and then 7:00. 7:30 came, and finally the people began to slowly trickle in. My nerves were shot b/c I knew how much money we had spent out of pocket for this event, and no one was coming. That was a scary thought. I was ecstatic when Max Stalling arrived and asked specifically for me. (It was a tremendous feeling to have a semi-celebrity asking for me throughout this event! I could SO be a groupie!!!) Whatever he asked, I made happen. Maybe I could be an agent. Maybe not. Or maybe if I have a girl, I can be a pageant mom. NOT! Someone please beat me with a baseball bat if I ever think that again…

Back to the benefit, Max went on, money was made, people were happy (after the sun went down), and I slept great that night. I am positive that I drank a gallon of water, and sweat 2 gallons more than I put into my body that day. It was a scorcher! We made $4200.00 profit, and I plan on doing the same, but bigger next year. (We shall see, since I will have a 5 month old on my hip…)

Saturday night, me and Jim went to dinner with our friends Chris and Terra. We ate at BJ’s Brewhouse and enjoyed a relaxing dinner. Jim and I pulled into our driveway about 10:30 and to our surprise, we had no power. The wind had done something to a transformer or whatever, and all I knew was it was hot, and this preggo Mama to be was NOT staying in that house all night. The progesterone running rampant though my body has enough of a hayday when it is 70 degrees in my house. I can’t imagine what kind of Olympic games would be played if it was 90 degrees while I laid in bed. Oh Lord help Jim if that was to happen. For the sake of our marriage, I called my Mama. After downloading the flashlight app to my iphone ( Have I mentioned how much I LOVEEEEE my iphone?!) I threw some stuff in a bag, and me and Jim headed to Culpepper B&B. By the way, my bag consisted of a pillow, my sleeping mask, makeup remover, lotion, cocoa butter, sleeping shorts, sleeping pants, t shirt, sports bra, flip flops, socks, tooth brush, mouthwash, a blanket, and some undies. Jim grabbed a pair of shorts and his toothbrush. Seriously? That just pisses me off. Anyway, that’s another can of worms.

We wake up Sunday morning, Father’s Day mind you, and the first thing I did was crawl out of my bed, and walk across the hall to lay with the Daddy to be. (I had gone to a seperate bedroom around 3:00 because we were sharing a full size bed. If you have ever gone from sharing a king sized bed, to sharing a full sized, bed--- you understand). I crawled up next to him and whispered Happy Father’s Day. He smiled and said thank you. He went back to sleep, but I laid there envisioning our son or daughter and the next time I would wake up on Father’s Day. I thought about how next year, we would have a baby to represent our love on that day, and how amazing it would be. He was back asleep. This always seems to happen when I am in deep thought. I laughed and got up for breakfast.

We ended up going home to get ready for church, and our power was back on. It is a 45 minute drive to our church, but so worth it. Cross Timbers Community Church in Argyle. You should try it sometime. AMAZING! Anyway, we were seated and the music played, and the Holy Spirit was there. I could feel the leftover joy from this morning and was still savouring the thoughts of having a baby this time next year. I almost pictured a glow around Jim as we swayed to the music and listened to the Holy Spirit speak to us. He wasn’t just my husband and my friend anymore, but a father. We sat down, and I was feeling extremely lovey dovey. Our pastor began speaking and started out by telling all of the fathers Happy Father’s Day. My bubble was busted when Jim chuckled, leaned over to me, and whispered, “I forgot today was Father’s Day.” SERIOUSLY?! I gave him a look like he had just told me that he was joining the NASA space team to fly to the moon. All morning I had been daydreaming about our life transforming from 2 to 3, and here he forgot it was father’s Day. I couldn’t do anything but laugh, and think that maybe men really are from Mars…

Thursday morning, my mom invited to me to go with her, my Grandma, and my dad to Houston to visit my brother and his wife. I had already planned to skip class on Saturday (don’t judge me) and so Thursday evening, I decided that I was going to go with them on this 5 hour ride. Jim stayed behind to play bachelor while I was out of town, and I hit the road Friday afternoon with the fam. The ride wasn’t bad, and once we got there, it was worth it. On the way there however, here is a quick list of what was on the Dodge Ram buffet: 1 cheese sandwich, 5 tootsie rolls, 1 cup of applesauce, ¼ bag of carrots, one banana, one cup of mandarin oranges, 4 slices of turkey jerky (YAY PROTEIN!!!), one cup of peach ice cream with cinnamon peach glaze, one handful of pecans, one root beer, 20-25 grapes, 5-10 triscuit crackers with cheese, and one granola bar. Yes sir. This was all in between Boyd, and Houston. (Random- I saw Lindsay, Paul, and Suzanne Foster at a random peach stand/gas station in Fairville, Texas. I noticed her from across the room and shouted out her name. I was blown away that we bumped into each other! Crazy, right?)

So, we get to Houston and enjoy the stay in Justin and Shawn’s BEAUTIFUL new home they just purchased. Saturday, the girls did some light shopping. I bought 3 items, and spent 200 dollars. Yes, me- Miss Frugal spent $200.00 on 3 items. What were they you ask? Well, a wok from Marshalls was 50.00, and the two bras I bought at Neiman’s totalled $150.00. That’s right. 1.5.0.0.0.

I’m sure you all are aware of the fact that I resigned as President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee in on April 1, 2010. To my surprise, my girls have already shot up one cup size since Baby M has been a resident in my temple. Although Baby M’s daddy couldn’t be happier I’m sure, this is causing a bit of a problem for me.

I was fitted and broke out in hives when the woman at Neiman Marcus told me the size that I would need to ORDER in about 2 months. I literally had to sit down and text Jim when she left the fitting room. Jim was golfing with some buddies, and his response to my text was,(excuse my french) “Damn.” That about sums it up. I was thinking the same thing. “Damn…” Bye bye cute little bikini that I bought 2 months ago. Maybe we will meet again. Maybe…

I think that I managed to make my little kumquat angry yesterday. We left Houston, and like my usual traveling self, I curled up in the backseat to catch a nap while we were on the road. After about 20 minutes of various positions, I found one that was semi comfortable. Yes, the seatbelt was digging into my ribs, but I was laying down, and my legs had some room to stretch. What I didn’t consider was the fact that my little bundle of joy was all bundled up in my tummy. I sat up due to a few dull pains, and realized that I can’t get into the same positions I used to. Holy cow. This kid is already high maintenance.

The dull pain didn’t go away until my dad pulled over at a rest stop, and let me walk around for a few minutes. After that, I was fine. I shook it off as me just crowding my kumquats personal space.

Jim has shared with me the day before that he had a surprise, so I was excited to come home to see what it was. I quickly noticed a reclining lawn chair in the backyard, and as soon as I opened the door to our house, I was hit with the clean aroma of a freshly cleaned house. Every bit of dirty laundry was not only clean, but hung up, folded and PUT AWAY! Screw flowers and candy! The way to a woman’s heart is by cleaning her home! It was amazing to come home to a clean house, and have someone make me dinner. That’s right. It didn’t stop there! He asked what I wanted, and delivered exactly that! Grilled ham and cheese with a side of macaroni and cheese. (Again, don’t judge). It was amazing.

I don’t have any pictures to upload this time, but I wish you could glimpse into my mind and see all the ones I have!!!

Life is GREAT!
Keep praying…

I can't eat meat? But I live on a cattle ranch!!!

It’s been over a week since I blogged last, and so much has happened.

-          Me and Jim went to see Dr. Robbins for our first appointment. (LOVE her btw!) It was quite humorous to see this experience through Jim’s eyes as opposed to mine-which are semi-used to being in the office of a practicing gynecologist. Two parts stand out in my mind. The first was when he realized that I had to pee in a cup and hold onto the sample until my name was called. Even though it was a seal cup, inside of another cup, inside of a sealed brown paper bag, inside of my purse--- I think it still grossed him out a bit. The other funny part of the trip was when the nurse came in with the sonogram cart, and parked it next to me. There was a massive box of condoms that came with this cart, and we jokingly talked about how we could make money from selling them to teenagers. (This is possibly the first sign that we are going to make horrible parents…) I was surprised at how calm I was during this visit, and wondered what kind of thoughts were running through Jim’s head. I understand this isn’t real for him just yet, but still- he was about to see and hear his first unborn child, and I don’t care who you are, that it pretty amazing.

Dr. Robbins came in and got down to the nitty gritty right away. Jim was sitting in the chair across from me, and she nonchalantly said, “Come on over here behind me Daddy. You’ll be able to see better.” The words she uttered created butterflies in my stomach. I love the idea of our baby calling Jim Daddy. It literally makes me smile when I think about it.  

9 weeks

I was semi- relieved that Dr. Robbins wasn’t performing a vaginal sonogram mainly because I was hoping we could slowly submerge my husband into this dark world of funny instruments and uncomfortable small talk while the doctor is “down there”. She squirted a gel on me that I expected to be cold, but was surprisingly warm- almost hot actually. She explained that they warm it before putting it onto their patients, and I agreed that this was a great way to get on the patients good side. (Brownie points for Dr. Robbins!) She placed the sonogram wand on my belly and quickly reminded me that I already need to pee again. I can only imagine how much harder it will become in my future visits to refrain from urinating all over the table while she is prodding on my uterus giving me a glimpse into my body. Something else to look forward to I suppose? J

After what seemed like 5 minutes, there it was… For the first time in my life, not only was I seeing a live ultrasound, but I was watching the heartbeat of our little kidney bean. When we saw Baby M for the first time, it was absolutely heart stopping. Seriously. I was drawn back to the moment when I first shared the news with Jim that I was pregnant. Time stood still, and for those few moments, nothing- absolutely nothing else in this entire world mattered. Every emotion that came from my first kiss, to winning basketball games, to building our house, and even to getting married was surpassed in a single minute. I will never forget looking up at Jim and watching his stare at the screen. I don’t think I have ever seen such a proud look on his face. Yet another moment that no one will ever be able to erase from my memory. Click! Freeze Frame Time.

Another life changing event has occurred since I blogged last. Jim and I are fortunate enough for me to be able to quit my job and focus on my internship as well as school and Baby M. I sent my last email, packed up my office, and swiped my time card for the last time Wednesday. It was completely bittersweet. It’s always hard to leave a place of employment when you aren’t disgruntled. It almost would’ve been easier if I would’ve been mad about something someone had done, or frustrated with one of my co-workers. That just wasn’t the case here. I loved my job. I honesltly can’t think of a day that I woke up and dreaded going to work. My dad used to say that, “Going to work isn’t called going to work because it’s fun. If it was fun, it would be called going to fun.”

Tanya Davis, Chrissy Daniel, Todd Vineyard, Karen Brown, Laurie Washburn, Connie Shawn, Marc Dodd, Chad Davis, Janice Wood,  Phyllis Shaw, and Gary Clayton  truly made it “Going to Fun.” As for all of my 4-H’ers and their families- you are outstanding, and I am honored to have been a part of your lives for this brief period of time! Thank you for allowing me to watch you all grow, and for allowing me to grow because of you!!!

My empty office

My last bit of this blog is going to be short and sweet. When I was born, one of my best friends in the world was my cousin, Jared. Our moms were pregnant together, and we were born a mere 3 months apart. We were in the same grade and went to the same school all throughout growing up, and everyone knew that we were very close. (Actually at one point there were rumors that we had crushes on each other- but that still confuses me to this day…) Anyway, distance seperated us as Jared joined the Navy, but I got my regular phone calls at 8:00 most mornings while Jared was in Japan. He would call me at this time because I’m pretty sure it was party time there, and he was always out and about and would think to call me. I have to say that it is funny to hear a bunch a Navy men and women late at night in Japan while I am at work at 8:00 on a work day. Oh yeah, short and sweet... right. Anywho, so yadda yadda yadda- we’ve always made time for each other and been close. He calls me the other day and tries to create small talk. I knew something was up, but when he told me that he was going to be a Daddy, I went crazy! I was driving and couldn’t compile my thoughts because I just kept thinking about how fun it would be for our kids to be as close as we are! So funny how life happens, right? I love it.

Andrea's 2nd and 3rd tests. Not a false positive...

All in all, everything is great except for the fact that meat makes me want to hurl. Literally. The sheer thought of eating it churns my stomach. I sure hope that goes away soon.

 I have one quicker story to share, and then I will end this never ending blog. After going to dinner with many of my grad school friends Saturday evening, I left the restaurant hungry. I was dizzy, shaky, nauseous, and tired. Our food had been ordered for well over an hour and a half and only half of our table’s meals had arrived. Mine was of course included in the side that hadn’t gotten their plates yet. I had ordered pancakes and a side of bacon (trying to test the meat waters again) and 2 hours plus one angry husband telling the manager to cook his pregnant wife some dang pancakes or he would go back there and do it himself later- I had my food.

At this point, I was feeling too icky to eat. I had munched on some almonds and dried cranberries for occasions just as this from my purse, and figured I would go home and relax, then eat later. On the way home, we got an invite to go to a friend’s house and watch a UFC fight. If you are unaware this sport, then I say go ahead and keep living your life in ignorant bliss. If you are conscious of this gut wrenching sport, then you’re probably laughing right now. With an empty stomach and a light head, James and I arrived at our friend’s house. There were about a dozen people there, and they were just sitting down to eat some ribs or steak or something in the carnivore category that made me want so badly to rip into this protein that my body wanted, but I knew that I had to resist. Or else… I might throw up. I resisted, and made it through the first fight. It was somewhat entertaining. As entertaining as watching two men wrestle, cuddle, and beat the crap out of each other can be. Fight number two was the getter. These two men apparently were buddies, but since there was $100,000 on the line, they didn’t care if the other died or not due to one too many blows to the head. I watched for as long as I could, and then… it happened.

One, two, three, four, five, and then I lost count. What I was counting were the number of blows from one man’s elbow to the other man’s head. What was once a sealed piece of skin was now flesh and bone that was ejecteing a large enough amount of blood that there was literally a pool laying underneath these men. Now, I have never passed out from the sight of blood. I have never been affected by the sight of my blood being drawn, or anyone else’s blood when they’ve been injured. This time was different. I’m betting you can guess what happened next. I stood up, and tried to gather my composure. It didn’t work. I walked over to the side of the house, took a few deep breaths, and then let it all go. That’s right- I puked up the 5 bites of pancakes and one bite of bacon I had eaten at my 2 hour late dinner.

Lesson learned: I do not like UFC. Make fun if you wish, but if you could have felt what I did that night, you would understand.

Completely changing gears- Baby M is now the size of a grape!

Life is amazing, and I have never been happier.

Love you all. Keep praying.

T'was the night before Chri... I mean sonogram.

There has been so much happen in the past week that I'm not real sure where to begin on this blog. A few moments in particular stick out though. They are the ones that I referred to last time as my Blogging Moment!

I woke up and got ready for work, and noticed around 10:00am that it was going to be a very long day. I was so tired. It's funny when James will ask me, "How are you feeling?" My consistent response here of late has been, "Good. Just really tired." I think he is finally catching on that it isn't the lack of sleep I am getting that is causing my daze, but the fact that there is another human being growing inside of me. So funny. He keeps asking me if his snoring is keeping me awake at night, but I’m pretty sure that a train could come through my bedroom and I would sleep through it right now. This sleep is good. I won’t disagree.

Anywho, back to my first Blogging Moment! of the week. I meandered through the day, and reached my goal of 4:45 pm. I had set this goal around 10:00 that morning, and looking back, I'm not sure why. I suppose when you are in the trance at work where it seems like the hours are actually days, 4:45 sounds much better than 5:00. I compare it to saying that something is $99.99 instead of $100.00. It sounds better, right? (Wow, I am way off track tonight...) So, I make it to 4:45 and head to the pit of hell that we all have come to know as Wal-Mart. Here we are at 5:00, I mean, 4:45, on a school night and I decide to do purchase my laundry list of grocery shopping. I get in, and my plan is to look at the ground as I walk in hopes that I don't bump into anyone I know and spend one more second that I have to in the pit. Things are going great. I'm moving at a slower pace than usual, and am reminded every few minutes that I am starving. I keep thinking that my bill when I check out with most likely reflect the fact that my stomach is empty. I stuck to my list fairly well, but remembered upon checking out that I needed to purchase some plastic containers. You know- the ones that you give away when people come over for dinner and you send home leftovers? So I leave the checkout line and go to grab a few containers. If only it were that easy...

 I turn down the aisle, and automatically, it transforms into a mile long stretch with every possible storage container you could imagine. At this point, I'm tired, my feet hurt, my stomach is growling, I'm shaky, and I have to pee pretty bad. (Hey, if you've read this long, you should know you’re subject to TMI). So I compare boxes and take things off the shelf, put them in my cart, put them back on the shelf--- wash, rinse repeat. After literally about 10 minutes, I looked over and saw a pillar in the middle of the aisle. As if God had built this perch just for me, I leaned over onto it. I'm sure I looked like a creeper staring at the aisle of goodies, arms crossed and eyes closed, but I didn't care. Yes- you read that right. Eyes closed. I'm pretty sure time was creeping by, but I bet I stood there for a good 5 minutes with my eyes closed. I’m 99.9% (which we all know actually means 100% but it sounds better, right?) that I dozed off. Who does this? In the middle of Wal-Mart while standing up- I dozed off?!  It wasn't until I was startled by a woman behind me that I jumped forward, heart racing, and threw some containers in my basket. I chuckled to myself as I walked to the checkout line, and thought... Blogging Moment!

School started this week, as well as my practicum. I am incredibly nervous about my practicum, and will ask for prayer on that as well as Baby M. Many of you already know that I am in the Counseling and Development Program at TWU, but some of you may not. I have every intention of graduating in May 2012, and with the support of my family, it seems to be pretty feasible. I have a full time babysitter, who has reminded me that she is on call at all times if need be, so that helps a TON! (This of course is my mom who retired when I graduated from college so that she could raise her grandchildren. Uhm… here we are 3 years later, and she finally has one on the way! Lol)

As for my practicum, I am practicing at The Counseling Place in Decatur and am looking forward to it. I am apprehensive about my skills at this point, but I try to place my feelings of being inferior on the fact that I am inexperienced. Again, just pray for me. J

I do have one more Blogging Moment! Me and Jim went to dinner at the “new” Mexican food place in Paradise- (I’m sure it’s been there a year or so now, but we are just now making our way over there.) It was about 6:00 and I was kind of hungry so I ordered the taco dinner. I have noticed that I am having some issues eating meat this past week. It’s not that I don’t like it, I do! But even the thought of it- chicken, pork, beef, whatever- almost makes my stomach churn! I instantly have to think about eating fruit, veggies, or dairy in order to keep from making myself nauseous. Weird, right? Anyway, I know that me and Baby M need the protein hat meat provides, so I am extremely cautious about getting it from other areas. I actually tried some greek yogurt and really enjoyed it. (It has 12 g of protein!!!) So I thought I would brave the waters, and ordered a taco dinner.

I ate a few chips and a few bites of queso before our meal came and I felt great. Our waitress was incredibly sweet and compassionate. She brought our food out and then went to wait on her other customers. Jim dove into his meal as I prepared the taco I was going to force myself to eat. I added lettuce, tomato, and cheese as I was planning to devour this protein and as I went to put it up to my mouth, that icky feeling returned. I took one bite and I swear I chewed it 25 times before I could muster the power in my mind to swallow it.

James mentioned that it was all in my head and I thought I was going to throw my entire hot plate of food at him. I told him that I couldn’t explain it, but that I just couldn’t eat the plate of food in front of me. I picked at the beans and rice and planned to eat dinner with my mom and dad when we got home. (Perks of living close to Mama and Daddy!!!)  Here is where the Blogging Moment! comes into play. With one bite taken out of my chicken taco, our tender hearted waitress of about 60 years comes to our table and places her hand on my shoulder. She asked me if I didn’t like what she had brought out, and I immediately looked to James for an answer. We both hesitated and then answered her inquisition with the same response. I told her I was pregnant and meat just did not sound good at all! She laughed and repeated over and over that she understood. She congratulated me, and apologized to James over and over. I got the impression that she felt sorry for  him and the way she thought I might behave on our new journey. She gave some advice and tips for a long and loving marriage, and said that no matter what, it’s all worth it.  We all laughed and for the duration of our stay, she was incredibly attentive to my weak tummy. What an experience.

All funny ha ha’s aside--- tomorrow is a big day for me. It doesn’t seem as exciting to James and I am aware of his mind set enough to be okay with that. I know that although he is unaware of it at this moment, his heart will more than likely skip a beat when he hears his first born’s heart beating inside of me tomorrow. Although it is 80 degrees outside and crickets are chirping, I titled this blog, “T'was the night before Chri... I mean sonogram.” It truly feels like I am getting a huge gift tomorrow. I remember the night before Christmas when I got a new car. I was 17, and I kind of had inkling on Christmas Eve that I might wake up to a car in the driveway. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I don’t think that will be the case this evening, but I do know that I will wake up with an anticipation that I’ve never had before. It’s hard to explain…

Sometimes, words can’t explain the feelings we have. This is one of those times. I have a feeling this feeling is going to come more and more often, and I welcome it! How anyone cannot believe in God when they have a precious life growing inside of them baffles my mind. (That’s a whole other can of worms!)

In closing, the next time I write in this blog, I will have seen and heard my son or daughter for the first time. I will never ever be the same. No matter what takes place for the rest of my life, I will never be the same after I see my little kidney bean. It feels like I am taking a leap into true adulthood. Yes I went to college, and yes I got married, but truly, I don’t feel grown up. After tomorrow, I feel that I will have successfully transitioned into adulthood. The ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new is here, and I’m not sure that I’ve ever, ever been more ready.

Keep praying.

Like Sand Through The Hour Glass, So Are The...

This week has slowly flown by if that makes any sense at all. It seems like it was just Sunday, but tomorrow is Thursday. Seriously… Where did Tuesday and Wednesday go? I can contribute some of my cloudiness to being on cloud nine the past few weeks, but mostly, I feel like I’ve been stuck on my thoughts about the upcoming semester.

Next week, my life will be thrown into the bottomless pit of stress and complaints that I have come to know as “the life of a grad student”. I absolutely adore my grad school compadres, but the work load and stress that comes along with school is almost more than one can handle. This summer, here is a glimpse into my schedule:

Monday I work all day. Tuesday I work from 8:00 until 4:30 then leave to go to class until 9:30 in Denton. Wednesday I work until 12:00 and then leave to go to class until 5:30. Thursday and Friday, I have my Practicum, (pre internship) at The Counseling Place in Decatur from 9:00 – 7:00. Saturdays, I believe that I have class in Denton from 8:00 – 5:00. Thankfully, I reserve Sunday as my family day. I love Sundays. I love that me and Jim get up and go to church, and then get to come home and just…be. He usually gets tired of lounging fairly quickly, and we end up doing something besides hanging out inside. I’m usually okay with that, so long as I get my cuddling time in first. I’m a stickler for cuddling.

Over the holiday weekend, Jim and I discussed me having to hold down my job, my internship, and my 4.0 GPA all while growing a healthy baby and keeping a healthy marriage. This was the main thing on my mind that was keeping me awake at night. Okay, so maybe there isn’t anything keeping me awake at night- but it is definitely something that worries me. After much prayer and thought, we decided that it would be best for me to resign from working at Texas AgriLife Extension Service, and focus on grad school and our family.

I love my job, and I love my 4-H’ers even more. They are just… awesome kids that make it seem like going to fun, not going to work. That being said, I am so very excited that we are fortunate enough to live off of Jim’s income alone. I am aware of how rare this is these days, and I can’t tell you how much I respect my hubby for carrying the income burden alone. I admire that he understands how difficult it would be to do all of these things at once, and hope that he knows how thankful I am. (He doesn’t read this, so I suppose I could talk about him all day long, and he would never know it!!!)

Anywho, so yes, I am excited about quitting my job and focusing on school and Baby M and Jim. What else… ?

I don’t feel pregnant. Let’s go with that. I’m apparently retaining a “food baby” that only makes its appearance in the evening hours. It is the strangest thing. I’ve had various medical professionals tell me that it is my uterus stretching but I’ve come to understand that the average Joe thinks they know better than them. According to “Average Joe” I’m retaining water or I’m just bloated. What. Ever. I know that there is something there that wasn’t there a couple of months ago, and I am very ready to hear what Dr. Robbins has to say. Lol. I’m not bitter, just chuckling at the multitude of opinions that are coming from every which way. I often catch myself re-playing the “advice” that I am getting, and it just makes me laugh. Maybe I’m just weird.

What's left of the scorpion on the wall...

It’s funny how things happen in my day to day life that cause me to think, “Ohhh! I should SO write about this in my blog! I think I am going to begin referring to those moments as, “Blogging Moment!”

Here is my first “Blogging Moment!”: Last night, James and I enjoyed a nice dinner with our friend Terra at Chili’s. It is so nice to have friends that don’t have the expectation of going to dinner and getting smashed. (Again, I’m seeing a theme here. The whole growing up thing is coming into play again I think…) Anywho, we came home and I went to get into the shower. I turned on the water and went to step in when GASP!!! There it was. The first scorpion of the season. Now if you know me, you know that I can handle spiders and bugs – to an extent. But when it comes to scorpions, I FaREAK!!! They terrify me. Seriously, I think I might wet my pants and go into convulsions if one ever touched me. Needless to say, I ran out of the shower screaming to Jim to come kill this evil creature. He gets in the bathroom and has the audacity to say, “It’s just a baby.” I thanked him as he disposed of the carcass in the trashcan (the toilet is much more effective I think, but it seemed to be dead), and went on about my business. It was while I was in the shower that it occurred to me… “It’s just a baby”… Hmm. That means that is has brothers and sisters and a Daddy and a Mama somewhere. Lord help… I did have trouble falling asleep last night just so you know. You can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll do the scorpion shake with every shoe, blanket, and article of clothing I own before I use it too. (My sheets are in the dryer as we speak. Lol)

My Final Blogging Moment! of the day:  This morning, James had already left for work, and I was sitting at the kitchen table staring off into space. Sleep was still on my mind and I was debating on whether anyone at work would notice if I didn’t brush my hair, but just threw it back in a messy pony. (Which I totally got away with by the way.) I was spooning Cream of Wheat into my mouth when I heard a buzzing noise. Suddenly, my house transformed into a set off of Saturday Night Live, and as I dashed to find the fly swatter, a red wasp was dive bombing me! (My house must be on the bug version of hotels.com as a hot spot to go for the Spring). I found myself shrieking and yelling out for Jim to come help me, but I had forgotten that I was home alone. It’s times like this that I set aside my feministic beliefs and leap into the domestic role of housewife and expect James to be the strong strapping husband. I forfeited my right to complain at Jim for letting flies in when I propped open both the front and back doors hoping that this creature would just bebop his way out of the McGilvray Inn. Of course, that didn’t work.

By this time, it was 7:00 and I needed to get ready to go to work. I shut the doors as well as each door in between me and my living room. I thought about shoving a towel under the door to keep unwanted guests out, but I thought that would be too crazy, right? WRONG! The little terd somehow managed to find its way into my bedroom and dive bomb me as I was putting my makeup on. I went to work with less makeup than usual and figured I would just deal with the wasp when I got home.

Well, I’m home now. Jim just informed me that he killed a wasp when he came home for lunch today. (My big strong man saved the day-again!!!) Pray for me… Seems that my house is being invaded...

Well that’s all for now. It’s only Wednesday, so there is much more to come before the weekend gets here. Until then…

Keep praying. :-D