Wow. After last night, I realized that people who I don’t even know follow this blog, and I caught myself comparing my character in this blog to the “Carrie Bradshaw” character in S&TC. Completely different, I know, but kind of cool to go somewhere, and have people say, “I know you don’t know me, but I follow your blog, and I feel like I know you!” I don’t know if I have ever been more flattered. What’s funny though, is that I’m hearing it more often. Make sure and pop a small hole in my head if it ever begins to swell to the point that I can’t fit through the doorway. I don’t want to be that kind of person.
Let me just say this: The further I get in this pregnancy, the more graphic the details may become. You should know that if you do not want to be red in the face the next time we meet because you are picturing me talking about my bodily functions from being pregnant, then you might just want to quit reading this blog.
That being said, since my last doctors visit, several things have happened that I wasn’t really expecting. The following are my thoughts on things that people don’t tell you before you’re pregnant.
1. No one told me how incredibly sore the center--- (you know, the word that rhymes with ripple?) of my girls would be. This is something that I knew would happen once I started breast feeding, but I’m only 5 months pregnant! Even the water pouring from the shower head is almost unbearable. I used to be able to go bra free, and not have a worry in the world, but good grief. I am beginning to think that my headlights are going to be shining a path for the next 4 months, and it isn’t even cold outside! So weird. Maybe it’s just my strange body, but now that I’ve passed the flaky *ripple* stage, they’re just sore. I suppose I can live with sore. This is probably my chief complaint at this point, and I’m okay with that.
2. No one told me about the gas bubbles. Me: “Dr. Robbins? Uhm, is there some medicine I can take for gas? I mean, like Bean-o or something?” Her: “I’m sorry, but there isn’t. Take a couple of tums, take a walk, and just let nature take its course.” This is NOT the solution I was looking for!!! I suppose I expected my doctor to have a magical pill to erase the problem I’ve been facing. I understand how a 14 year old boy might be amused by this uncontrollable defect, but it is no laughing matter when you are in certain situations. She gave me a few other tips, and I’ve been following them. I have to say, her tips are helpful, but some bodily functions just happen. We’re all human, and we all burp and pass gas. Don’t laugh, unless you are laughing to agree with me and sit with me in my corner of embarrassment.
3. No one told me about the new hair growth. I get up, get dressed, blow dry and straighten my hair, and go to put on my make-up. Hmm… Major fly aways, or as Jim calls them, “wings”. I grab some bio silk and think I solve the problem. Put my make up on, and notice I look like a teenager who hasn’t mastered the art of styling her own hair. I add a little more oil and take note that if I keep trying to fix this problem with oil, then I will look like I just stepped out of the shower, or like I hadn’t bathed for 6 days. I was growing more and more frustrated, and just walked out the door and vowed not to look in a mirror for the rest of the day. On a side note- that was about 2 weeks ago, and my hair still looks like a rooster. I guess I’m beginning to accept the side effects of my prenatal vitamins. On the plus side, my nails are growing beautifully.
4. Cravings? Okay, so I did know about the cravings, but I am taken aback by some of mine. A few weeks ago, I was at a wedding. I was surround by people enjoying their alcoholic beverages, (more on that later), and after a few hours, the cake was finally being brought to my table. It. Was. The. Best. Chocolate. Cake. I’ve. Ever. Eaten. As soon as I put the cake in my mouth, I had an instant craving for coffee. When I say instant, I mean, I would have left the reception and gone to Allsup’s down the street to get a cup of coffee to go with this slice of Heaven I was eating. Luckily, our friends had planned ahead, and coffee was brought to my table. Now understand this. I have drank possibly 10 cups of coffee in my entire life. I’ve just never had a hankering for it- unless it has Bailey’s in it… So, the server brings me the coffee, and I ended the night on a good note. It was the perfect dessert. Since then, it has become a necessity to have coffee with any sweet treat that I eat. I don’t know why, but I’m craving coffee. Weird, right? Black coffee, a tad of cream, and 2 packs of sugar… I dread winter time…
4. Bella bands. Okay, so I’ve never taken Mommy 101, so I had never heard of this amazing contraption. Basically, this tube top like shirt was created so that you can wear your normal pants, but just slip this cover on top of them, and throw on a shirt. For an outsider, it looks like you’re wearing normal pants, and an undershirt when in reality, your pants are unzipped and unbuttoned, and you are comfortably wearing your pre-baby pants! Cool, right?!
5. George. Okay, so before anyone has a conniption and thinks that I have given Jim another nickname, know that he came up with this. There is someone else who comforts me while I’m sleeping, and he only cost me $80.00. George’s last name is Snoogle. He is a pregnancy body pillow in the shape of a C. Jim gets a little jealous when I bring George to bed because it creates a massive barrier in between us. It’s funny when I want to turn over, because it is a huge ordeal having to move George so that he still snuggles my backside and keeps space between my hips. There is a little tension between Jim and George, but do know that Jim has a special bond with him as well. Many times have I come into the living room to find George snuggling with my husband. I don’t feel sorry for him.
6. To drink or not to drink? Just so you all know, I refuse to listen to anyone but my doctor when it comes to medical advice. I consider myself to be an intelligent woman, who understands consequences to my actions. If I don’t study, then I don’t get the grade I want. If I stay up late, then I am tired the next day. If I consume more alcohol (red wine) than what my doctor recommends, then my baby has a much higher risk of coming out with 3 heads and a tail. I also understand that my friends and family mean well when they tell me if I have a sip of red wine every now and then that Maddison will come out with FAS. I get it. I respect everyone’s opinions, but I carefully chose my doctor, and have learned to throw everyone else’s advice out the window when it comes to what is best for me and Miss Maddison. That being said- I am not going to parties and throwing back jell-o shots or toasting the evening with a Jager bomb. It is only a year of not drinking, and I respect the health and well-being of my child enough to refrain from it. A glass of red wine every now and then (especially in Italy) is fine. My. Doctor. Said. So. I’m not ranting, I’m just sayin’.
7. No hot tubs? So I get that your body temperature isn’t supposed to get above a certain degree when you’ve got a bun in the oven. What I don’t get though, is that this is the hottest summer since I have been alive, and just walking uphill to my class gets me all flustered and drenched in sweat. Hope I’m not over- cooking Little Maddison…
Let’s move onto the sweet things. 2 weeks ago today, Jim had just gotten home from being out of town all weekend, and we were relaxing on the couch. It was near bedtime, and Jim was in between naps. All of a sudden, I felt a small thump in my belly. I paused the TV, and thought somehow if the room was completely silent, it might happen again. I had heard many women ahead of me share that it is easy to mix up gas bubbles with the flutter of your unborn child, so I thought maybe that’s what it was. A few minutes later, there it was again, “Thump!” As plain as day, I knew that this was no gas bubble.
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| 15 weeks |
This was a mother physically connecting with her daughter for the first time. As I sat there for several minutes with both hands covering my stomach, I was consciously trying to send wavelengths to Maddison hoping that she was hearing my thoughts. “Do it again! I want to feel you!!!” Jim was asleep, but I couldn’t help it. I had to wake him up. I was almost positive that he wouldn’t be able to feel her kick, but I wanted to shout from the roof tops that we had reached a milestone in our pregnancy. To feel this little human that God Himself placed in my belly moving around was nothing short of a miracle. I whispered to Jim that I felt her move, and in a somewhat sleepy trance, he slowly reached up above his head, eyes closed, and placed his hand on my belly. I knew he was tired, and this wasn’t quite the reaction I had expected, but it was still kind of sweet. He dozed off again, and I began texting my closest friends and family, okay, and I updated Facebook. This was the closest that I could come to shouting from the roof top…
I have noticed that Maddison moves around a lot at night time. I feel her some during the day, but can count on her break dancing every night once I wind down and relax. It is becoming something that I look forward to every day. I was on my way to class last week, and for whatever reason, she became a bucking bronco while I was jammin’ out to the radio. I don’t remember what song was playing, but whatever it was I suppose she liked it. I was alone with my thoughts, and started thinking about how truly amazing it was that she was in my belly. I went back to sitting at On the Border just after Christmas with James. I remembered the hesitation and excitement in his voice when he told me that he something was missing in our marriage. “You know how every day we get home from work, eat dinner, and just kind of sit in front of the TV waiting to go to bed? I’m ready for us to have a baby.” I love that memory. I thought about how for five months, I used ovulation prediction kits, and each month failed the pregnancy test that I wanted to pass. I will never forget when we went to San Antonio just before we found out I was pregnant. I’m fairly positive I have shared this story already, but I’ll give a quick recap since it’s a fun story for me.
I was cramping the entire way there, and was super bummed out to start my period on our mini vaca. When we got there, it was a Thursday. I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative. I sat there in this hotel bathroom and stared at this negative sign on a stick and began to cry. I just KNEW I was pregnant this time. I walked out of the bathroom, and sunk down into a chair. I didn’t want Jim to see my cry, but once he saw one tear and asked what was wrong, they began falling uncontrollably. I crawled into his lap and explained that I had a feeling I was pregnant, and I was just so disappointed. He consoled me and said that it would happen, just to give it time. He made me feel better when he said it was out of our control, and we should just enjoy it being the two of us while we can. I agreed, and I packed a tampon in my clutch just before we hit the town. We arrived home on Sunday evening, and after an extremely long weekend, we woke up early Monday morning to do who knows what. I will never forget when it occurred to me that Aunt Flo was extremely late coming into town!!! I was shocked when I took 3 tests and they were all positive. I was 4 weeks pregnant and didn’t even know it. I suppose mother’s instinct was right all along!
I kind of went off on a rabbit trail in order to come back to this: While driving to Denton for class, listening to this song, I noticed a huge grin on my face while tears were streaming down my cheeks. I suppose I never understood the term, “Making Love” until I got pregnant. That truly is what I would say. This sweet potato in my belly is a bundle of love that is 50% me, and 50% James. Isn’t that miraculous to think about?! I honestly cannot fathom someone not believing in God once they have conceived a child. His greatest gift I would imagine is in my belly, and growing every day. I never thought I believed in love at first sight, but I have fallen in love with a picture of a tiny blob on a screen, the image of an alien-like creature making sucking motions with her mouth, and the movements of something that words can’t quite describe.
One night while laying in bed, Maddison was doing the Cotton Eyed Joe in my tummy, and I asked Jim if he wanted to feel her. He patiently waited, and then- it happened. He was able to feel his daughter for the first time, and for a split second, his eyes lit up, and he smiled. I reflected his joy, and then we both began talking about the future of our little family.
One last thing, and then I’ll close up my rambling nonsense. Last night, while coming back from a wedding, me and Jim began discussing how difficult life was going to be when Maddison makes her debut. Let me set the stage: I will be taking 9 hours in grad school, and finishing up my internship at a County Juvenile Detention Facility. While interning there, I will be seeing individual clients on Sunday beginning at 9:00 in the morning, and going all day. Friday’s will be hectic as well, and I will be leading group therapy. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited, but I am also beginning to notice that there are 4 days of the week that I won’t be able to be with Maddison. I’ve heard stories about how heart wrenching it is to leave you newborn to go back to work and whatnot, and I suppose I just dread that sinking feeling. I appreciate all of the help that I am going to have. I trust my husband with Maddison, and I can’t wait to see his Daddy qualities come out in him. We were discussing how much we were looking forward to her coming into our life, and that we were both ready for her to, “Just get here!”. It made me cry when Jim shared with me that he was looking forward to holding her, and laying on the couch napping with her on his chest. (Makes me cry right now just thinking about it!!!). The song, “Tough Little Boys” by Gary Allan comes to mind when I think of James and his little Sweet Potato. She already has him wrapped around her finger, and he loves every second of it.
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| 17 weeks, and it took all I had to find the confidence to wear this bikini to the lake! |
I want to end by asking this. I never believed in love at first sight, but then, I got pregnant. How can you love someone so much, but never seen their face, heard their voice, felt their touch, or smelled their scent? I love being a Mama already, and I haven’t even met my daughter.
Keep praying. It’s working.
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