Poppy Seeds, Sesame Seeds, Blueberries- Oh My!!!

What an eventful weekend!

 I made the decision to join the in-crowd and transition from a Blackberry to an iPhone. My logic behind this stems from the fact that I want to document each stage of my pregnancy. I love the pregnancy apps that help you keep track of what’s going on, and I really like the fact that I can add texture to the pictures that I upload. I’m not quite there yet since I’ve owned this iPhone for about 24 hours now, but I am looking forward to this blog becoming more fun and exciting to look at.

Funny thing happened today- I was headed to Brandi’s house early this afternoon and I called my mom. I was telling her that I haven’t had any cravings really, but that last week, I had a full jar of pickles, and as of this morning, there were only 2 left. Unless James mysteriously developed a hankering for pickles overnight- he doesn’t care for them at all, I suppose someone had to have broken into the house and eaten all but 2 of my pickles. Strange… I have always liked pickles, but now that I think of it, I suppose I have been eating more of them lately. (My mouth is watering right now just thinking of them.) My mom suggested that I buy a jar at Wal-Mart since that is where Brandi and I were headed. (Funny how we made a date out of going to Wal-Mart. The weird thing is, it was so fun. How Wal-Mart can be so miserable while shopping alone at 5:30 on a Wednesday after work, and so fulfilling on a Monday afternoon with your bestie--- is astonishing!!!) As Brandi and I were walking down on of the aisles, angels desended from Heaven and a dim light shone around a display before me. There it was: A 9 foot high display of giant jars of pickles. It was at this point that I realized- I had identified my first craving. Just like Pavlov’s dog, my mouth became full of saliva, and I grabbed a jar and placed in the basket. My bestie showed no judgement, and we kept right on shopping. THAT is a good friend.



My first craving. :-/



Although there is a lot that happened this holiday weekend, I’m not sure how to put it all into words. I think it might be best to do it in bullet form.

-          Got up early Saturday and went on an adventure with my dad and Austin Griffith to get crawfish for the 15^th Annual Crawfish Boil. Ate at McDonalds, drove to Lewisville, and headed home. Definitely a memory I’ll never forget. Nothing extravagant happened, but I savoured every second of the rare but cherished father/daughter time.

-          Enjoyed the Crawfish cookout, but wasn’t able to enjoy the crawfish, or the margarita machine everyone was raving about. Me and my little blueberry were just fine sipping on my Fizzy Cranberries though. Loved being with my friends and family. Every year is so fun. James and I were home and in bed by 11:00. Surprisingly, he was okay with this. It made me smile for the rest of the weekend. Is this what they call growing up???

-          Got up early to go to church Sunday, but stopped by my parents’ house to say bye to my brother Justin and his new bride, Shawn. James and I ended up missing church to have brunch at Tater Junction with the crowd that stuck around until the morning light at their house from the night before. Lots of laughs later, I was at home and taking a much needed nap.

-          Had a relaxing visit and dinner with Russell and Brandi Sunday evening. Their little boy, Dylan, gave me a glimpse into parenthood when he crawled up in my lap and said “Etter, Etter!!!” We played some games on Brandi’s phone and just cuddled. Nothing on earth is sweeter than a child cuddling with you. I don’t care whose child it is, but when they are beyond adorable, it is even more heart-warming.

Dylan

-          Slept in until 9:00 on this Memorial Day, and enjoyed every second of it. When I woke up, the house was so quiet. James was at work, and I thought about how this time in less than 1 year, things would be so different. I’m ready for different. <3 <3 <3

Now I sit at the kitchen table while the sun is beginning to set. Another weekend has passed, and I am closer to hearing Baby M’s heart beat for the first time. Funny how quickly things can be put into perspective. I may not feel pregnant physically, but in my heart I feel like a Mama already. As soon as that test said, “Pregnant”, I feel like I became a mom. I can’t wait…

I have mentioned before that I am a planner, and I love to keep track of what happens in my life. I kept a diary/journal growing up, and this blog is just that. The only difference is that I “hid” my diary because of the precious information inside, and this blog is open for all of you to feel my soul. It makes me happy to hear my friends ask me when my next blog will be. It fulfills this weird need that I’m having I guess you could say. I don’t feel pregnant, so I thought that I would go ahead and try to apply my Kinesthetic Learning style to this situation.

For the next 33 weeks or so, I will try my best to have a picture of what stage of life Baby M is currently in. For example, this week, I am assuming I am about 6-7 weeks pregnant. That means that Baby M is about the size of a Blueberry. Therefore, I will show a picture of a blueberry, and let your heart melt with mine at the thought of something so amazing growing inside of me.

I invite you to sit back and enjoy this journey of comparison with me, and I hope that smiles will be brought to your face as you imagine getting a glimpse inside the womb of Baby M.



Poppy Seed at Week 4

Sesame Seed at Week 5



Peppercorn at Week 6



Blueberry at Week 7

Hope you all enjoyed today's blog.

Keep praying. :-)

You decide...

Okay, so yesterday I wrote about how bloated I've been feeling, and about how my pants don't fit and yadda yadda yadda. Well last night, I figured I would go ahead and do the cliche picture taking that every new mom does. You know what I'm talking about: The side shot of your belly showing your progression week by week. I love following those pictures, but I just didn't think that I would need to join that club just yet.

After speaking with a RN yesterday who knew what she was talking about, I feel much more reassured that I am not imagining things. You know who you are, and you have NO idea the comfort that you have provided for me.

Best advice so far:

DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE'S ADVICE!!!

Oh yeah, the picture, right-

Here--- you tell me if this is me being bloated. Maybe I'm just crazy, but you be the judge:

6 weeks

I'm pretty tired, and am about to walk out the door to head home from work. My goal was to make it to 4:00 today, and I did. I am off tomorrow, and plan to do some light laundry, and light cleaning. I can promise though, nothing will get done until after 10:00 a.m. I'm going to savor every bit of rest I can get while I can. I've been told time and time again that this is the best rest I'll ever get, and to get it while I can.

THAT is advice that I won't refuse!

Keep the prayers coming. :-)

Did someone say pizza?

So, I got up yesterday and got ready for work. I grabbed a cute pair of capri slacks that I haven't worn in a while, and tried to put them on. I buttoned them and figured they would loosen out through the day. You know what I mean. When you wear something and about the time you eat lunch, it is loosened up enough that it's comfortable to sit behind your desk? Well anyway, I walked out the door thinking that I would be comfortable by mid- morning. 

Since I am only about 6 weeks pregnant, I have convinced myself that the cleaners are shrinking my pants!!!

Week 6

I haven't shared this picture with too many people, but a few have said that I shouldn't be showing yet. I am fully aware that I shouldn't be, but I AM!!! I am torn between thinking that it is just my body retaining water, or maybe I'm just full from eating all. the. time. My mom is dead set on the fact that there are two Baby M's inside of me right now. I told her this morning that I suppose that would make them M&M's. lol. I'm not sure what to think. I just want a healthy baby. I don't care what he/she/they are/is. lol

So, when I say I eat all the time, I am serious. Today, I had 2 eggs, 2 pieces of sausage, and a handful of blackberries for breakfast. When I got to work, I ate a grapefuit, and some animal crackers. Before lunch I had Triscuits with melted cheese and a dozen cherry tomatoes.  I munched on some almonds while I enjoyed a refreshing 7-Up with lime and by this time, lunch was ready. (Yes my friends, lunch hasn't even arrived yet. I'm like a garbage disposal!!!) Pizza Hut was delivered in my office for a meeting, and I helped myself to 2 pieces. Okay, 3. You got me. 

My co-worker, Chrissy, and I had to go to several schools in Decatur, so we decided to stop by Dairy Queen. I went ahead and ordered a mini oreo blizzard and justified it by saying that "Baby M wants some oreos". 

 

I think this could become a bad habit...

Fast forward to quittin' time...

I was wanting something chocolatey, and I remembered that I bought a Twix last week and it was in my purse. I dug down deep in the bottomless pit because I figured Baby M needed to experience the awesomeness of a Twix. I found it, and as soon as I felt it's shape, I knew that it had gotten way too hot at some point from the time of purchase. Oops. I left my purse in my truck for a few hours, and forgot about my snack! This Texas heat had caused severe deformities with my afternoon delight, but I was willing to take the risk, and I opened it anyway. Sure enough, it was no longer two separate pieces of candy, but it was merged into one scrumptious giant bar.As I bit into it, I was surprised at how fulfilling it was. I think that I might actually do this on purpose next time.

Melted Twix isn't that bad. I actually LIKE it!!!

I do want to mention that with my "shrinking pants" situation, I have the best administrative assistant EVER! It just so happens that she is a mother of three with her youngest being born just one year ago. She and I are close in size, and to my surprise, I came into my office and this is what I found!

11 pair of really cute gently worn maternity capri pants!!!

As weird as it may sound, I am still fighting the urge to try these on. I know they won't fit just yet, but I am completely excited!!! 

As my day comes to a close, James and I are coming to the two week mark for my first sonogram. I can't wait!!! 

I hope I can wait two long weeks. Our little sweet pea is supposed to be sprouting eyes, ears, a nose, cheeks, and a chin this week. Also, it's little seasme seed sized heart should be beating about 120 beats per minute. 

Absolutely. Amazing. 

Keep praying for us. :-)

Happiness: To Pursue, or To Create?

Recap of my first weekend knowing that a life was growing inside of me:

Friday morning, I woke up and got ready for work. I grabbed my Miss Me jeans from my closet, and as I tried to button them, I noticed that I was INCREDIBLY  bloated! I couldn't even get them buttoned. Immediately, I laughed out loud and took a picture. Technology made it easy to laugh at myself and so I sent it to my closest friends and family. I know I know only about 6 weeks pregnant and that I'm not "showing", but I am bloated and retaining water for sure!

I think I'm going to miss my Miss Me jeans...

I left work and went home to prepare for participating in my first Relay for Life. I got home, made a sandwich, and set my alarm for 6:30, which would have given me 30 minutes to get to the track and start walking. 

After eating my sandwich, and cuddling up on the couch under one of the amazing quilts that my Grandma Fisher made especially for me, I quickly realized just how exhausted I was. For a few seconds, I closed my eyes, and told myself that I should just stay home, and get some rest. There were going to be hundreds of people walking at relay for Life, and no one would even notice if I was there, I’m sure. I pondered what it would feel like to have chemicals from chemotherapy treatments running throughout my body, and I wondered if the tired and achy feeling in me resembled the lingering fatigue that cancer patients often felt after chemo. treatments. When my alarm went off, I knew that I had to go walk, even if it was only for a couple of hours. When I got to the track, I was greeted by dozens of women wearing purple shirts with the word, “SURVIVOR” on the back. As I walked inside the field, I looked for my friend and teammate, Brandi, but I couldn’t find her. I decided to meander through the crowd, and see if I knew anyone there. Surprisingly, I didn’t recognize any faces. As inspirational songs played in the background, my analytical self began thinking about how cancer doesn’t have a face. I thought about how it can strike anyone at anytime, and age doesn’t matter. I decided then and there that I was walking for one of the greatest men that I’ve ever known: Leny. I won’t go into detail, but he and his family inspired me more than I will ever be able to explain with words. The only way you would ever be able to see the influence, is to see my soul. There just aren’t words. :’)

My bestie Brandi and Me at Relay for Life

I enjoyed my time at the track with one of my best friends, and when I got home, I walked in to find James asleep on the couch. I tiptoed around and tired not to wake him. He is by far the hardest working man I’ve ever met. I let him sleep since it was way past 10:30 and I still hadn’t had dinner. Since I am trying to grow this little bean spout in my belly, I figured I would cook up some chicken and rice with a side of folic acid, I mean - spinach. While the chicken was simmering, I thought about how blessed my life is. I looked at the fan that was keeping the air cool, the tv flickering that was telling the nightly news, the aroma of food that was filling the air and the friendships that I have that help me put one foot in front of the other when I feel like stopping in my tracks. I fixed my plate and moved to the bedroom while trying not to disturb James. I couldn’t help but think about how we had created this life that was inside of me. I mean, I knew that was our goal in trying to conceive, but I had no idea that I would be so full of joy. For years, I had dreamed about having a baby, and now it was in the process of happening. It still seemed surreal. A little while later, I asked my husband to move from the couch to the bed, and in a cloudy few moments, he did. When we got to bed, my thoughts were racing through my head about how truly blessed I am. I could NOT fall asleep! I am beyond exhausted, but I just kept thinking and thinking about how great my life is! Strange thing to keep you up at night, right? Counting your blessings, naming them one by one? That’s what I did, and I fell asleep in doing so. Much better than counting sheep. 

I woke up Saturday morning with James’ hand over my lower abdomen. This feeling was better than any hug I think I have ever gotten. It is pretty awesome to wake up to butterflies in your stomach. I smiled, and we chatted about our future for a few minutes.  James decided that the day was getting away from him, and at 6:30 on a Saturday morning, he was ready to landscape the entire yard. I felt somewhat rested and at 7:30, I decided to begin the planning process for a grad school party I was planning later that afternoon/evening.

I did a few dishes, did a few loads of laundry, took a shower, fixed my hair, and then- wanted to take a nap!

I have said it a few times, but OMG! I am absolutely amazed at how this little tadpole looking creature completely zaps all of my energy out of me! Although I feel beyond exhausted, I still don’t FEEL pregnant. Now I am fully aware that what I am about to write will probably make each of you reading this laugh out loud, but I’ll admit what I did next. Since I haven’t puked my toenails up yet, I decided to take another home pregnancy test. LOL! I’ll let you guess what the results yielded. Of course. Positive…again. I was satisfied, and I went and grabbed a quick nap before my first guest, Tiffany arrived. 

Tiffany and I had fun getting the items ready for the party. Hamburger meat-Check. Buns- Check. Condiments- Check. Beer- Check. WAIT… BEER?! When I agreed to host this party for my grad school girlfriends, I wasn’t pregnant, and truly didn’t think I would be pregnant by the time May 21 arrived. Ehh, how hard can it be to be surrounded by every one of your friends while they cool off by the pool with an ice cold beverage? This makes me sound like a horrible mother-to-be I’m sure, but I was somewhat jealous of those surrounding me. I made a beautiful concoction that I am debating naming “Fizzy Cranberries” or “ I’m Pregnant and want a cocktail but can’t have alcohol so I’ll pretend that I’m drinking something fruity and fun but it’s only sprite and cranberry juice.” Not sure if a bartender would know how to make that or not… I have to laugh at myself sometimes, I swear… lol Fizzy Cranberries it is!

As the party began, I quickly noticed that although I didn’t LOOK pregnant, I sure felt it. I was hot, and tired, and now starting to feel sharp cramps on my right side of my lower abdomen. I was exhausted. By the time 7:00 rolled around, I was ready to get out of the heat, away from the flies, and put on some pajama pants, a tank top, and curl up in my recliner at mi casa. I LOVE being a hostess, but at this point, I didn’t care if everyone stayed or left. Not sure if that’s the hormones talking, or if I am being a “good mom” by taking care of my body. Either way, I was pleasantly surprised when I mentioned to my girlfriends that I was having some mild cramps and wanted to go lay down. Like fire ants scrambling to rebuild their broken home, they were buzzing around gathering items that needed to be taken to my home. Their mission was to get me comfortable as quickly as possible, and I wasn’t going to argue. My heart was warmed as I began to learn to let someone “take care of me”. 

We got to my house, and in the air conditioning. Life was good again. I took a Tylenol and relaxed as me and my C&D girls watched the Mavs play. Not only have these ladies been there for me when I need emotional support, but when my body was threatening me to lay down and relax, they acted quickly, and wouldn’t hardly let me get off the couch. Yet another blessing to add to my list. 

This blog didn’t have a theme other than me recognizing that my life is overflowing with blessings. At what point do you ask the Lord, “Why me?” I’m not sure what I did to deserve the life I lead, but I am completely thankful. 

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”~ Ashley Smith

Worry Wart...

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a planner. I can remember being very young and making a list of what items to clean first within the small living quarters of my bedroom. I made a list of items to pack when going to various camps and vacations throughout my life, and I won’t mention spontaneity as one of my more charming qualities. Although I was ecstatic, and AM ecstatic to find out and know that I was pregnant this past week, I am a planner at heart, and I want so badly to begin the process.

While daydreaming about decorating the nursery one day, someone asked me what I was thinking about. I mentioned that I was wondering about what kind of baby furniture I was going to get. I had never really looked at cribs before, and the thought of one being in my house gives me butterflies. The response I got after I was sharing my excitement felt like someone literally kicked me in the stomach.  “Maybe you shouldn’t get so excited just yet. Something really bad could happen between now and then.” I’m somewhat of a pushover, so I agreed and of course, those words have played over and over in my head since they were spoken. “Maybe you shouldn’t get so excited just yet. Something really bad could happen between now and then.” It wasn’t just this one person though. I bet I have had 10 people say things along these exact same lines. “You probably should have waited to tell everyone. Something could happen to the baby because you’re not that far along yet.” (Are you freaking kidding me?!) I am fully aware that no one in my life would ever deliberately say or do anything to hurt me in any way, but come on!!!

 Does society not think that newly expecting mothers are terrified every minute of every day that there is a ginormous chance that ‘something bad could happen between now and then?’ I mean, really?! I’m not sure if this is a normal frustration to be having at this point, but every morning when I wake up, and every night when I go to sleep (not to mention the dozens of times per day), I pray that God will protect my little orange seed growing in my belly. Hearing these negative comments makes the worry that much worse. I know what COULD happen, but all I can do is pray that it doesn’t.

At the age of 27, I have been to the bottom of the valley, and made it through by the pure grace of God, and I know that no matter what happens, I will be alright. I’m not saying that I don’t trust the Lord, I do, but this feels so different this time. When I was little, I remember my cat, Sammi, “running away” and I prayed everyday for weeks that God would just please send her home to me. When I went through a terrible break-up a few years ago, I could not fathom why God would allow me to hurt and sink into the depression that I did. I prayed for the relationship to somehow be reconciled, and it seemed like that would fix everything. Just a month ago, my sweet Rocky was very sick, and I prayed that he get better, but he didn’t. I know bad things happen, and while we don’t understand them at the time, it all molds us into who we are destined to become. I appreciate life so much more because of the trials that have brought me to where I am.  I know that God has a plan for James and I, and this little orange seed inside of me.

This blog was created to help me get things just like this off my chest, and even though some people think technology is some strange addiction that people are obsessed with, I truly think that this will help me through the process of my beautiful life for the next year. I usually go back and re-read these to make sure they don’t sound stupid, but this time, I am exposing my raw self, and am not going to change one single word. I will however ask for prayers for myself and Baby M. Please pray for a safe and full-term, healthy pregnancy. Also, pray that my worries about the unknown are put at ease. If my little orange seed is anything like his Mama and Daddy, it’ll be just fine.

My Cup Runneth Over

~ Hope Floats ~

“So, you’re pregnant...Now what?”  I'm waiting for all the horrible things to happen that I've heard about since I was a child. The morning sickness, the pickles and ice cream cravings, the body parts that scream when clothing touches them just the right way, the mood swings, the stretch marks...  You’ve heard it all too. I know I’m just over one month into this 9 month rodeo, but I am having one symptom for sure: I’M SO TIRED!!! I haven't gotten sick yet, and according to the movie, Knocked Up, that is one of the first symptoms.

One thing that I have experienced is getting advice from every which way. I’m half tempted to start writing a short story book that entails the first name, age, and advice from each person who shares their story with me. Who knows- it might become a best seller?

So far, the best advice, (and by best I mean most hysterical) was from a 70ish year old woman who I used to work with. She is a nut, and I love her dearly. Her advice was this: “Always keep a package of saltines and a package of peppermints by your bed. Each morning, wake up and eat a saltine, and then follow it with a peppermint. You’ll never have morning sickness. I promise.” See what I mean? Funny, right? Anywho, just a thought I had while laying in bed last night.

I remembered that I didn’t share with you all how me and Jim told my mom that I was pregnant. Due to high demand, I suppose I will share it with you. J

I had a 5x7 picture of my belly with the word baby on it, and an 8x10 picture of the word SURPRISE with some baby shoes in it. Jim said that he wanted to give her the pictures, and our plan was to tell her that we got her a surprise while we were in San Antonio. We popped in on my mom while she was home cleaning, and she didn’t expect us. I said, “We stopped by to give you the gift we bought for you in San Antonio”, and Jim handed her the picture frames.

For maybe 10 seconds, her eyes shifted from one picture to another, and she had a puzzled look on her face. She said, “Oh, that’s cute.” And looked up and me. I smiled real big and looked at Jim. We were both waiting for her to put 2 and 2 together. She must have realized that the pictures that were in the frames didn’t come with them at the time of purchase when she recognized the belly in the picture. I could hear her gasp for air when she looked at me and said, “Wait! Are you…?” And as if I was hugging my unborn child, I clasped my hands over my tummy and said, “Yes! I’m PREGNANT!”

I’m not sure what happened to the picture frames at this point. I don’t know if she threw them on the ground, handed them to Jim, or laid them gently on the table. In the blink of an eye, her title transformed from Mama, to Memaw. With each step she took toward me, her smile got bigger, and her tears fell faster. This was the perfect reaction to my news. It was exactly how I wanted her to react, and how I had been dreaming she would react for years.

Now, when it came to telling my dad, that was a little different. I had intended to tell him when he got home from work,  but I remembered we had a Wise County Youth Fair meeting at 6:30 that evening. I had every intention of telling him over the phone, so in the presence of my mom, Grandma, and Jim, I called him. I asked if he was busy and he said he was getting his oil changed, then headed home. (Think fast Heather…) So I said, “Oh, so you’re coming home early?” He said he was, and I played it off like I was just calling to see if I could ride with him to the meeting. This was working out better than I had hoped! My mom and I planned a dinner before the meeting, and as we waited for my dad to pull up in the driveway, I was planning what I would say.  

I knew that no matter what, he would be thrilled, but I also know how good of a storyteller my dad is, and that however I spilled the beans, this story would be told over and over again at various occasions. He pulls up and walks inside, and for some reason, I got nervous. Maybe not nervous, but more anxious and excited I suppose. So I got get the frames, and do the exact same thing to him and I did with my mom. This time, we had an audience. Jim, my mom, Aunt Tonya, and my grandma were watching. Daddy was sitting on the couch, and I crawled up next to him like I used to when I was a little girl. I handed him the frames and said, “Me and Jim picked you up something from San Antonio”. He said, “Sweet” and semi- looked at them. I wasn’t sure what the delay would be from the time he saw the picture of a woman’s tummy, and the realized it was his daughter’s tummy. This time, it was quick. He looked at me and said, “REALLY?!” And I said, “I’m PREGNANT!” He let out a heavy sigh, and then said, “Ah man! That means that I’ll be sleeping next to an old grandma now!!!” Everyone cracked up, and he put his arm around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

These moments are only the beginning of so many that I know I will cherish for the rest of my life, and I am SO thankful to be able to have them.

My Cup Runneth Over.

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Jeremiah 1:5

Does that say Pregnant?!

Hey y'all!!! I have had numerous people suggest that I keep a blog detailing the events that are to come within the next year of my life. Even though I am a full time grad student holding down a job, have an internship as a therapist, and am trying to keep my husband happy, I suppose I can make time for a blog. I plan to utilize this blog for my own selfish therapeutic purposes. Not to say that I will be the one in the therapists seat, but that you all get to see me lay on the imaginary couch, and hear my blessings, and complaints.

With that informal and boring introduction, I think I will begin by unfolding the event that took place yesterday morning. This is an event that I will never be able to erase from my memory, and for good reason!

At 7:30 in the morning, I realized that Aunt Flo hadn't made it into town yet. Not only was she not here, but she was about 4 days late! My feet hit the floor, and I scrambled around the bathroom to get a pregnancy test. James and I had secretly been trying to conceive for about 5 months, but hadn't shared our secret with anyone. Over the past 4 months, I had 4 failed pregnancy tests. Each one brought disappointment, and sadness. I can't describe the feeling a woman has when she yearns for a baby, but reads the negative results of a pregnancy test. It's heart wrenching. With my eyes semi-open, I opened the "Baby Test" from the Dollar General, (Hey, don't judge. Pregnancy tests are expensive!) and proceeded to relieve myself while testing to see if a life was growing inside of me. 

Once the "Baby Test" was saturated enough, I sat it on the floor, and finished my business. I went and washed my hands, and came back to find one dark red line, and one VERY faint red line. OMG!!! TWO LINES? Wait, the second one is faint, so what do I do? I go and get another one. Luckily, I had peed in a cup and reserved my specimen for a case just like this. I removed test number 2 from the plastic wrapper, (This test came from the hospital. Hey- I've got the hook up. Again, don't judge!) and with the plastic eye dropper full of pee, I filled the small sample hole and waited. Two lines appeared and it occurred to me... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ THIS!!! Obviously, hospital pregnancy tests don't come with instructions. My thought process was now this: If I use the Clear Blue Easy test that actually spells the words, "Pregnant" and Not Pregnant", then maybe I can get a definite answer. Three EXCRUCIATING minutes later, the most beautiful word in the English language was staring me right in the face: "Pregnant". 

Weeks ago, I had made arrangements to have pictures made of my belly to give to Jim to insinuate that I was pregnant when the time came. I had it ALL planned out. It was going to be the scene from a movie. Perfect, right? WRONG! I grabbed all three tests and frantically carried them to display to James, (Who by the way was eating cereal at the kitchen table), and plopped them down in front of him. He looked at me with question in his eyes and all I could do was point with one hand, and cover my mouth with the other. As tears streamed down my face, and I struggled to stand, he asked me if I was pregnant. Words were trying to come out, but all I could do was cry, and nod my head. He stood up, looked at the word, “Pregnant”, and grabbed me. In the back of my mind, I swear I could hear Brandon Rhyder singing, “Freeze Frame Time”, and as tears fell from both of us, time was indeed standing still. We savored the moment, and began imagining what life would be like in 9 months.